Sandi's Place

[MrBond]

Hi Sandi,

Thanks for responding and for the 2x4. Yes even though I walked in without having expectations, I let her silence get to me.

Since then, on Monday night everything was fine and happy, then on Tuesday night, I noticed that she once again started to withdraw and that she had put our girls to bed without saying "goodnight" to me which is what she normally does. That wouldn't have bothered me, but I then started thinking back that she hadn't done it in awhile which I thought was rude. So I told her the following morning that she was acting rude in doing so and that evening she was all fine like nothing was wrong again.

Well, get this. For some reason I felt the urge to google her OM's name on Wednesday. Lo and behold, evidently someone else who works with them asked for a background check on this guy to see if he was really a Navy Seal. Turns out he wasn't. What a fraud! A couple of months ago she accused me of doing something online to ruin this guy's rep which I didn't do. So I told her about it that night so that she wouldn't start accusing me of more stuff and that I was worried about what kind of psycho she works with and fell in love with. She thanked me and went to bed.

I followed her in and told her how she was acting very short tempered and talking down to me, which she said she didn't know she was doing. So then it spun into a R talk and her saying that she didn't want to be M anymore. I asked her why again and she said she just didn't love me. I asked her again how did she get to that point and she said she just didn't love me. Then I brought up how after our first daughter was born she told me that she could see herself as a single mom. I told her at that time we should have realized there was something wrong, but she said that that is when she should have left. AT that time I asked her why she said that and she told me she didn't know.

I don't know where she gets this running away issue. Where when there's a problem she just leaves. I asked her about the ring and she told me that she doesn't wear it because she doesn't consider us married. WTF? She's home, carrying on like nothing is wrong and doesn't consider us M? She also said she could see herself living like roommates without sex. I told her she's gotta be kidding and that she hasn't thought of me in the slightest. She said she just wants to be independent and live on her own.

I told her that it was impossible since she had the girls and besides, she always had the option to do whatever she wanted to do, buy whatever she wanted, etc. Plus she's living in the house she wanted and purchased together with me. Everything she has been doing was her being "independent". She doesn't even share her thoughts with me anyway. She then said that she did not want me to fulfill her needs and wants, etc. Funny when I didn't even know what those were.

I then told her how her mood swings have been affecting our Ds. How she's much shorter to them and scolds them much more than she ever had. Like the other night, my 6 y.o. daughter had accidentally gotten a few sugar crystals on my W's sleeve and my W's face just dropped and got angry and when my D apologized, my W wouldn't even acknowledge which made my D feel terrible.

So after that wonderful conversation, I decided to really start working on myself. So over the weekend, I went to church and started working out. I was cordial and nice to my W and we spent all weekend together with the girls. Then Monday rolls around and she's back to her distant self.

I know I get a 2x4 for that last conversation. It must be the sexual frustration! : )

I just don't understand how anyone can be so detached living under the same roof and not want to work on anything and stay miserable. I did tell her that I thought she was going through a MLC and that if she wanted to make the most of it, she should build on what she had and not tear down everything. And that if she did so then she wouldn't have a house, our kids wouldn't be able to go to private school, etc. I was on a roll.

What do you think sandi? Do you think she's hanging around because she's confused, or do you think she's of the mindset to live like roommates or leave? When I'm around her, should I act as if we are still a M couple? Or give her space like a roommate? She's signed us up for a couple of outings as a family and I get the feeling that if I asked her out to lunch alone, she'd accept.

Even though I brought up the issue of her depression, I don't think she's going to do anything about it. Oh one thing I did say to her Sunday night before she went to bed, is that if we hadn't gotten married like she keeps saying was a mistake, we wouldn't have had our oldest D. And if she had left when she made the single parent remark, we wouldn't have had our beautiful second D. She seemed to have thought about that for a bit.

Don't worry about the scoldings. I really appreciate them. That's how I learn after all.