OK for men with wives having an affair, has OM...

[pauld2100]

Your right!

I did go into fight mode. One thing I forgot to mention was in the beginning she was asking for sometime time, well this is where I really F'ed up! Instead of letting it be and being patient I was frustrated. She wanted to date for a while but told me there’s no guarantee that we would make it, well I did go out with her a few times and she kept me dangling you know?
So I was getting upset at this point and started to rebel myself you could say and didn’t do as she wanted and left her hanging a few times. Didn’t call her too much and cancelled lunch meetings with her after I had asked her to go. What I didn’t realize was she was trying to do something to rekindle I think, now that I look back. But also felt like she was just keeping me on a string. She was really happy about one lunch we were going to go to and I cancelled and she was upset after that I really didn’t think she wanted to go as much as she lead on but I think I was wrong.
I was reading signals and doing my best to not be a doormat and save our M.
I am pretty good at reading her but she was being a little elusive or maybe I was wrong about that. I had offered once to stay for three months so she could make a choice and so she could see what she was asking for.
She came back with well after three months and I see real change then we will see and added no guarantee again. This is where I started messing up bad! I didn’t do what she asked and continued to push or pull and get back home sooner, and not for only me. I knew she would have a harder time as well.
And didn’t want her to think I am just here at your whim. I was really confused by her actions at this point.
I was in no position to be dating her and taking her out to the nice dinners and special things I have done for her, I know this is a part of what she wanted and would love to have done that for her yet I was still in a battle of my own and little did she realize it was also for her and the family as a whole by getting through this lawsuit and getting back to work.
So I was coming across as needy, I think she saw my weaker side and I was at that point. I was upset myself for her expecting this while I was I somewhat of a crisis. I did want to get home as she has put it, but not for just me. I was also a bit worried about her meeting with that friend of hers. She was a divorcee and had run her husband off and started dating also so she was filling my W with ideas and I could see this clear as day!
So I made bad choices, said some stupid things and watched her get angrier. So at one point she decided she didn’t want to see me for a while and this is when she got on the dating sight, she didn’t tell me that directly just said she couldn’t talk to me for a while and I should move out. Of course this sent me into high gear again! I chased I tried to woo her and that just sent her farther away!
I know what I have done to mess this up….
Not giving her space and more…
I guess at this point I have backed off and she is still moving farther away… I am doing what I have to for me I really have. I can only see a few things that make me wonder if she maybe regretting this herself.
Will my going dark again do any good? Is there anything I could do to show what she needed to see with little to no contact…. Should I move and that would seem to be dark! When she says she misses me even after her dating others is this a good thing? Should I tell her what your H told you? And really hit it home that I am going to be gone?

I know I maybe giving to much info, If I am let me know…
I also want to thank you again…. I was hoping someone that has been on the other side would share so we could see what the real nitty gritty that was really going on with A’s and infidelity!!!!