everything you say is true, but beleive me, its a rare thing INDEED for a woman having an affair to break off ALL contact with the OM straight away. Really even if she claims that its probably unlikely, bc shes now got guilt over the OM. ALSO, men HATE LOSING (now I know you know this) and so, the OM is generally jacking up and acting all hurt and horrified and disbelieving, much like oh, a married man would!
so hes asking questions and asking does HE have a chance in fact hes asking everything a SPOUSE does. the OM is just as addicted to the wife as the cheating wife is to him. Its nice to think its all just sex with the OM, but seriously, thats rarely true. The ugly truth about affairs is, they tend to grow tentacles of emotions and fantasy, and thats hard to let go of. The wife tends to seek 'closure' and 'forgiveness' from the OM. YES ITS DANGEROUS and its scary and not fair to the H. but H should just accept this is probably the case - and for a SHORT TIME - try to ride THRU IT - because guess what??
phych 101 Pup, the OM is gonna turn into the SPOUSE; hes going to whinge and whine and bitch like no tomorrow and guess what, hes going to get ANGRY. if you are a SMART MAN, it might be best to just let this happen. Let it come to a nasty end. Do you see what im saying?
OF COURSE we would all PREFER our spouse immediately ceased contact with the OP right NOW (and we all demanded it. we are, after all, humans.) but dont let the knowledge that probably didnt happen drive you insane - because quite frankly, better the OM undoes himself and turns the relationship SOUR and into a BAD memory.
thats what I mean about
LETTING THE OP DO YOUR WORK FOR YOU.
it can be done if your smart and can hang thru it. believe me star crossed lovers are sickening. better the two of them face reality and hard conversations and sadness and tears JUST LIKE YOU DID. let the REALITY begin and the FANTASY die.
yea you have the fear it'll start up again and it MAY, but overall, the tarnish is setting in - wife is lying and clearly is telling her SPOUSE and FAMILY she wants it to work - no more fantasy about the hard done by badly treated woman who desperately needs to be saved.
get it?
Im going to add here that with no sad nasty ending, your wife will be JUST as uemotionally unavailble - possibly for a longer time - after all she has the FANTASY that will live on doesnt she. soemtimes a nasty end is the best thing that can happen... for all!
absolutely agreed. you have to be smart an work smart and be fairly confident that its wearing down. that the contact is certainly NOT happening as much if at all. ie it can pay off, if you have made your demand, shes agreed (however reluctantly) and you have either confronted OM or she had TOLD OM its over
(btw I would never do it unless I was reasonably assured that HAD HAPPENED.)
but if if it has and shes back and OM knows your now a contender again and shes SUPPOSED to be working on her marriage and HE KNOWS ALL THIS...
then learn to overlook the liklihood they're still emailing for a while. it'll come to a bad end by itself and its not a bad thing. ie dont freak out about the idea - not in the early days - dont or she could run again - play it COOL and hope hes becoming the SPOUSE and acting out. he probably is
remember you wanna look like the preferred good guy... *rubs hands and looks shifty*. and there you are saying "HI HONEY how was your day?" and rubbing her feet after yet another argument with OP for freaking OUT about her choice...
so sad for OP right.... not
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
