You have to always bear in mind your H's drink problem in all this. My guess is that's the main contributor to most of what goes on.
The nice/nasty behaviour probably stems from that. Alcoholics are really good at the pseudo sentimality (sp?).....when you are gone he really misses you- the idea of you- when you are there he cannot cope with reality and the feelings he has of inadequacy and responsibility.
With OW everything is broken and never so constant and full on so he can remain a 'properly functioning' person in her eyes, and it makes him feel good. Reality does set in though when he thinks about living with her full time with her kids- she will get to see the 'real' him......warts and all. I can't see him ever letting that really happen.
Well that's my best guess anyway Sue - and if I am right I don't see him leaving you alone to settle into a life without drama anytime soon if you leave it down to him and you only react to his actions. You are his security blanket.
I have huge respect for you....I know I could not tolerate such behaviour and be so kind to my H.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
