WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[MrBond]

I think what sandi means by calling her bluff isn't to be the first one to sign the papers. Just do what you're supposed to have been doing all this time...GAL.

Right now every interaction you have is with your W and how you should act or not act around her. And she calls ALOT! So, you need to detach more. More meaning not to let her suck you into her way of confusion.

Why not be honest and tell her that she cannot rely on you being the one to make her happy or unhappy? The "hurt" that she keeps heaping on you is really getting pretty old. I mean, unless you beat her, there is no hurt. The mis-communication that you've been going through is what couples do. Or rather, men and women.

NO ONE is going to be so in tuned with their partner that they know exactly what the other wants. Especially if the other partner doesn't say what they want in the first place. Stop beating yourself over the past "hurt". You see she's already sucked you into her way of thinking.

There is no "hurt". Because if it was that bad, then she wouldn't be calling you to begin with.

"So now my wife feels that she can't trust me enough to be vulnerable with me again and has closed off her heart so she can't love me like a wife should love her husband."

Trust you with what? She trusts you with the kids, she trusts calling you, for god's sake, she trusted you touching her before she left. She has no idea how a "wife should love her husband" because she doesn't know. It probably stems back to her childhood where her mom was waiting for her dad to come home all those years. She was probably waiting too and was expecting him to be this perfect Prince Charming to her mom. Well she's looking for that in you and no one can ever live to such a high expectation.

The only reason I think it's an MLC is because according to the research, that's the time when men and women re-evaluate their lives and even come to grips with un-resolved issues in their childhood.

During that period, they get emotional (cry, angry, depressed, etc.) because they don't understand what's going on inside them. Think of a teenager. Some have a ton of angst, others are passive, while others discover what their limits are. It's the same way with MLC and I see your W going through all that.

Fact is you can't analyze her because she doesn't understand herself. Only thing you can do is hold on while she goes through this journey alone. You can, however, gently guide her in the right direction if you do it in the right way.

Sandi's been great at helping me with that.