OK for men with wives having an affair, has OM...

[K4D]

FightingFit,

This is very insightful. Alot of what you described was exactly what my W was feeling when having her affair. She said she was addicted to OM to. She created a private blog for just him that she would post her fantasies to about him that he could read. She constantly thought about him. I was nowhere in her mind. She was just angry and defensive with me. She said she only regretted the timing of sleeping with him, but not actually sleeping with him. He is 9 years older than her, an athlete that is built, married, and does very well financially. He is witty, charming, and not a coward by any means. He is a tough guy.

W said she had the best sex with him ever. He blew her away. She was totally engulfed in him. I know that she still is in contact with him. We are separated. I have an apartment and she is in the house.

But, she has recently told me that she is going to be going out with other guys. So for her it isn't just the one hot passionate A. But she told me she isn't planning on sleeping around. For whatever thats worth.

So you are saying 2 years at least from the start of the A? Or 2 years after the A is over? In the mean time I am not built with muscles which I guess I have to start doing. Oh, and this really kicked off when she got her awesome paying job and didn't need me financially anymore.

So you think serious regret will kick in then at some point but not anytime soon? She has always said she doesn't live in regret mode because life is to short and so far I have found that to be true for her. I don't know if she is your typical female.

Your post was just really really insightful about the whole thought process during the A. So much of it seemed like my W during hers. Nobody could get through to her in any way at all. And she hid it for months although gave off enough suspicions in her behaviors that I finally was able to uncover it. She was thinking she was going to marry this guy who is already married. But that didn't happen. Now and only this past week she has been nicer to me for the first time in 9 months. But still not having much to do with me. But she is friendly in our encounters this week.

How will I know when and if regret or guilt is starting to set in with her? I have just seen no signs of it yet. Like everyone else on here, I just want to win her back with time. She filed for divorce on me even though I told her I was willing to work through the A. She didn't want to work through it with me.

I'm glad you posted this stuff. It gives us all a really good look inside the mind of someone having an A that probably most of us had no idea what was really going on in that mind.

Kevin