"I don't think I know of any man that could be in bed with a woman who he is, at the very least, attracted to and not want sex. That just doesn't seem right."
I have to agree with this 100%...I think I may have mentionned it once or twice to both K and BBJ. Hell I even know guys who have had sex with woman they do not "really" feel attracted to.
This is what I am talking about. It is a stereotypical statement that I do not believe is anywhere near the truth. Maybe for 18-20 year old college "boys", but not for "any man".
My point is that men, just like women, have issues sometimes and do not necessarily just want to have sex for the hell of it. I am not defending K's husband, but the reality is this dudes head is about as fricked up as it gets. I have seen pictures of Maria, it is pretty obvious to me that this guy is having some serious emotional issues.
So for me, to make a blanket statement like that rather than trying to help Kalni try and understand what is going on is just that, bullshitt... I feel our efforts are better served by trying to help her understand that while it is stupid and unusual that he is not being romantic, there is a logical reason in his mind.
Kalni is teetering on walking away from her marriage. The fact that her H is caught up in his own little version of insanity and emotional unavailability is pressure enough on her. To tell her that "no man" can sleep with a woman and not make advances does NOT help here. Helping her to cope with the emotional sledge hammer involved with this is what we are supposed to be doing. Helping her to understand that this is something wrong with HIM is our job. Saying what you said to her could lead her to believe there must be something wrong with her, was that your goal, I hope not.
If there is a chance of her marriage making it, we are going to have to support her and help her battle through these times by helping her see some of the possibilities for his actions. Maybe that is where all of our focus needs to be instead of on the whole "oh how could he" crap.
