A New Decade - Part 2

[MsMelancoly]

When you're in ~~love~~~ yes you do tend to overlook some qualities that are not attractive. Guess, I did that too.

I do like your shortened title, for me singles headline.

Well, I emailed my H this week, asking how he was & that I was joking about the sex thing, as I knew he was not interested. We emailed back & forth a little. He was supposed to come over last night. Ended up being a no show no call. Oh well, no big deal. I emailed him today. He emailed back that he had no $$ for phone minutes & no $$ for gas (had to choose seeing me or getting to work). Do you think he's hit rock bottom yet? So the plan is for coming over Sunday. This Thursday is our D pre-trial. It all should be interesting.

[MsMelancoly]

When you're in ~~love~~~ yes you do tend to overlook some qualities that are not attractive. Guess, I did that too.

I do like your shortened title, for me singles headline.

Well, I emailed my H this week, asking how he was & that I was joking about the sex thing, as I knew he was not interested. We emailed back & forth a little. He was supposed to come over last night. Ended up being a no show no call. Oh well, no big deal. I emailed him today. He emailed back that he had no $$ for phone minutes & no $$ for gas (had to choose seeing me or getting to work). Do you think he's hit rock bottom yet? So the plan is for coming over Sunday. This Thursday is our D pre-trial. It all should be interesting.

[Kenn]

I'm telling you the shortened title will work. If you use it and get at least 5 dates your first week you owe me some kind of compenstation

Sorry he didn't make it. The not showing or even calling has to be tough to handle. I mean there is common courtesy. Hang in there on Thursday.. that has to be tough even when we have come so far. Know you have friends thinking about you!

[MsMelancoly]

Compensation!!!! Only if they are good, nice looking men!!

Well, it seems I missed my H today. He was a no call no show. So after waiting 1 1/2 hours, I decided to take the dogs for a walk. He left me a message shortly after I left. Actually, came to the house, but I wasn't here. So I called him back. He was on his way home already & didn't want to turn around. I apologized for missing him, he said it was his own fault & punishment & I shouldn't be sorry. He had just gotten phone minutes again.

We chatted a bit about what was going on with him. Seems his BMF is being an a**hole. So my H is even distancing himself from him more. I invited him to the pirate festival next weekend. I had previously invited him, but he was going to take BMF, disabled mother. Today, he seemed more upbeat & gave me a maybe. So we will see. Not holding my breath. Although, how can I find myself a pirate man, with me H along!!!

So we may meet up some evening this week, before our pre-trial.

I suppose it was good I missed him, shows I'm not sitting around waiting for him.

[Kenn]

Pirate Festival???????????? Ummmm...where exactly do you live

[MsMelancoly]

Right next to Davy Jones locker

[Kenn]

I am dying to know more about the Pirate Festival... has it happened yet Rrrgh!!!

Glad things are comfortable and going well. 1 1/2 hours is petty late. You are pretty nice to wait that long but I probablly would have done it too if I knew someone was suppose to be on their way.

Sounds like he struggles a bit. But I am glad that you seem to doing very well.

How is the opening intro going? Have you come up with a "Knock em dead" one yet?

[MsMelancoly]

Nope the festival hasn't happened, this weekend. I'm taking off work on Friday & my sister & I are volunteering to help do set up for it. Did it last year & it was fun.

I guess I waited for me H more like an hour. I kick myself for not waiting. Oh well, I'll get over it.

Na, I haven't worked on my opening intro. Won't do anything until I'm D.

I just have this strange feeling that after D my H will want to work on our R. Yeah, I know, I need to drop that rope as well. Some habits are hard to break. My sister & I went to a bar this weekend & were talking about our parents. My mom had an A on my dad when I was 3. They D'ed. My mom then on & off dated this guy. He remarried, then later, while still M wanted to date my mom. After a few years got D & then years later my mom finally M him 15 years after the initial A.(They still are M). My dad, on the other hand, only dated once or twice & never re-M. Ah, what great role models we had! Can you say warped sense of loyalty??? That is my real struggle.

Ah well, live & learn. And ..... life goes on ......

[Kenn]

I guess I waited for me H more like an hour.

is that a typo? Or are ye practicing yor pirate talk? LOL!

Yep.... The great thing about life is you can go with the flow. If he want's to work things out after D then there isn't any law that says you can't! America is great isn't it! And maybe if that happens it is the best time to do it. Tons of people work things out years later. Your a great person... just don't cut yourself short waiting on something unless your content.

But I understand MsM... I have conversations in the mirror all the time and can't decide if it is Jekyle or Hyde in the mirror I think I am in the "want to convince someone it wasn't all me" phase and can't figure out I am the only that needs to know that.I mean she (to her credit) is not attacking me in front of my daughter. My daughter has come to the thought that my shift work was to blame but I think that was all said long before the divorce stuff. so who really cares. Her closest friend and brother both have said she is looking for greener grass. So I don't need to prove anything. I just need to figure out the caustic things I did to the marriage and fix them so I don't repeat them.

Ah!!! Role models LOL!

My mom and dad divorced when I was 12. Remember watching my mom throw wine in my dads face. Dad have hives everywhere on his body due to nerves. He wanted to work on the marriage but mom said no. They seperated for about three months. She went to Colorado for a week. She came back and told my dad that she wanted to work on the marriage but while they were seperated my dad met my step mom. He decided somewhere along the way he was done.

He was on tranqulizers, mom was on tranquilizers. Remember my mom was on them and drinking one night and had a complete nervous breakdown. She started seeing visions of my dad and my soon to be step mom in the house and yard. Freaked me out completely. she spent two months in the mental ward and didn't even recognize my brother or I. It was like someone with alziemers.

She never even dated again to my knowldge. Dad married my step mom. They never spoke one word to each other until my marriage 24 years later. They lived in 6 hours away from each other... 24 years of me deciding who to spend Xmas with and felling guilty about not being with the other one. My step brother and step sister were like real brother and sister to me. mom never worked a real job and when I was 16 I decided to go live with my dad, to be with my step brother. Never knew at the time I cut $500 out of my mom's income. she ended up having to sell the house she was in. yeah, not really my fault but lot of guilt over that one.

I would say that one thing that hurt my marriage was I paid so much attention to my daughter and in some ways didn't pay enough attention to my wife. That came directly from being ignored by my father as a child (until I was a teen who isn't a burden) so I wasn't going to do that with my child but I forgot my wifes needs along the way.

Could go on but the point is you are right... great role models in some ways but lousy in others. And here I am in front of my daughter in all my glory....

No pity party here...life happens but yea... real great role model and one of the reasons I can say I really have some hard feelings toward my wife whenever I look at my daughter. I guess if I focus on just me I should be gratefull she left now. Gives me time to rebuild my life and get to a good place... but for my daughter I wish we could have worked this out....hmmpf!!!!!!

[MsMelancoly]

Me thanks ye fer the kind words, Kenn Actually if you google pirate fest, you will find a list. Don't know how any pirates get to Omaha NE - but there's one there. Very strange.

Thank you for sharing bits of your childhood. Your childhood after 12 sounded awful, must have been very difficult to deal with. I can see why you are such a devoted father. I dealt with the same thing, splitting up xmas & other holidays. I think I feel more guilt, if that's the right word for my dad who is alone. Yet he does have a huge family that he is close to & near by.

I also agree, it's very easy to get caught up in other things & take your S your M for granted.

I don't suffer from depression, just melancoly sometimes. But still, we all have our own issues to deal with. Some we don't even realize they are there, until things start falling apart. And you decide to take a good look at yourself.

Sometimes I wonder if we chose a M or a R with someone, that will subconciously trigger our deepest fears. Hhhhmmm, hard to explain, I know what I want to say & mean, but the words aren't there.