Hello Everyone....I've been away for a while...everything remains the same with H except he is getting bolder...doing things to get under my skin...and continuing to tell me he has moved on and is very happy...That we need to get this divorce moving so the kids can have closure...
Here's what happened....I have been very still, not calling or texting H...quite proud of myself but I don't know what came over me and I snapped...maybe because my kids are the ones who are suffering in this whole mess so that he can be with OW and worry about himself...
I've had serveral moms from the baseball team my son is on ask me why my H doesnt even say hello to me, doesn't even look my way...that kind of hurt...I just answer I'm not sure...
So, this past weekend D22 came home to do some wedding stuff and check out places for the reception...we did that and H took S11 with him for the night Saturday...well, yesterday I went with D22 on an appt...when we finished I did the right thing and texted H to let him know we booked the reception hall....never heard back from him...texted him later to see when he was bringing my son home, hadn't heard from my son so I knew he wasnt home...well, I needed him to be home as I had a graduation party to go to and I needed to take my son...so I called H....he answered and I asked if he was bringing my son home so as I had to leave...he said, "as soon as we're done playing corn hole"..RED FLAG!!! I asked, "where are you playing that at"...At OW house...I said I asked you not to take him there....he said, he is having a blast...of course he was, he's 11 and it's all fun when he's with him...I then asked if my son has spent the night there, He said, Yes....okay so I flipped out....I was so ticked off...I realize that he can take him where ever but....we're not even divorced yet and he is taking our son to another womans house and spending the night and H sees nothing wrong with it...I cried so hard after I found out that today I feel like I've been run over by a truck.... I was walking into the house and was almost vomiting over all this, it made me that sick to my stomach that my D16 wanted to know what was wrong...I then told her that H had taken S11 to his GF's...that's it....she immediately texted him and went off....then he called me back all mad at me telling me I am the one damaging my kids by telling them stuff, that I should have just said I was upset about something....let me just tell you that my D16 would know it was H....she is so smart....I told my H that D16 is smarter than we will ever be....I'll tell you that if she told Me what she told him, I would be devastated...all he says is it's my fault that my kids found out all this stuff...I guess I was supposed to keep his affair, that I found out by a man on my doorstep, and that he has a 10 yr old son from another affair, that I found out through an email...that look how the kids found out, by me slapping him across the face the night I received the email....well, what was I supposed to do, say, "oh, it's okay"...I reacted like any other person would react in the situation...
Anyway, I told him, I am taking care of my kids, that he never respected me and he should have respected the fact that I asked him not to take my son to her house....he said I had no right to tell him that, that I was just mad that I didnt' have control over the situation...I said, " I do have a say when it comes to my son"....I would never sneak my son somewhere that H asked me not to....OUT OF RESPECT....and I wouldn't put my 11 yr old little boy in all that...I told H that my son is going to need counseling before he meets this brother that we never knew about before he meets him and after...H just laughed at me.... I can say at this point that I do not like the person he's become, maybe he is loving to OW and to her children but he treats me like crap....I've loved him since I was 14 and it's difficult to just let go...I want to, it's just difficult...
I hope in time I can....some days I want to just run away...from it all.....
So, there it is, I know I blew it but I was so over that stupid smurk on his face...
So, let me have it.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
OK, maybe you could have done things differently, but you didn't blow it. At least not in my opinion.
Quote:
I would never sneak my son somewhere that H asked me not to....OUT OF RESPECT....
Well...... you said the magic word there, didn't you! Treese he doesn't respect you. I have doubts about whether he ever respected you.... I think you were a trophy for him. You were his "property". You were to be seen, and not heard, there when he wanted you, but not there when he didn't. At least that's the feeing I've gotten in the past year and a half.
Next time he says you need to get the divoce moving, tell him to get going! He wants it, right? I think the less you have to do with him, the better off you are going to be.
OK, so I'm not in much of a DB mood when it comes to him......
Actually when he said we needed to get things moving I said, "FINE, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE"...yes I was a little upset but, hey, I gotta live with it I guess....He was probably shocked I said that...no begging....that's gotta make him wonder....
Do you think the OW is pressuring him or filling his head or is she just sitting back and being patient..she's not a trophy, trust me...if that's what he wants, more power to him..
Not going to worry about it anymore...can't control the sitch so I guess I'll just have to live with it...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Maybe you should be the one to get the ball rolling, if only to protect yourself financially. How is the love child sitch going to effect his ability to pay CS for your kids?
And what does he mean by "playing corn-hole?!" That expression is a euphemism for something nasty where I come from.
Treese, The next time he talks about moving on and getting a divorce, as him "what is the hold up...get moving on it". He wants you to get so fed up that you will do the work and also pay for the entire thing.
Respect? What is that to him. I agree w/VH, he's not had any respect for you for a very long time. Time to ring his chimes...do not put up w/his crap...the less you interact w/him the better. Document, document and document....you'll need all of this information later on down the road.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ring his chimes eeey.....sounds like a plan....really though i don't have much contact with him since he doesnt take S11 very much and you better believe I document everything...he thinks coming to watch son play baseball counts as a visit...are you kidding me...lol....all he does is rub his head....sry...lolol... Today is my last day at work for the summer...I have all kinds of things planned..Looking forward to cleaning out the old and creating new...
My H left the marriage a long time ago...he just forgot to tell me....went on with his life and left us behind...
In the long run I think I'll be okay....probably without H but I want happiness and I have to create that for myself...my kids and I have a long road ahead of us...we are close so we'll stick together..
Funny thing about the overnight at OW's...s11 hasn't said a word to me about any of it...if he had that much fun, he would tell me...and if he did, fine....H knows I'd be upset that he took him out to her house...so he did it...it's done, Ive said my peace and I've moved to a different day...
As for "corn Hole"...it's actually a game where you toss bean bags....it's a fun game.....
The only reason I haven't started the process of divorce is because my H receives bonus money and that is a big part of his pay...they don't consider that part of his income until he has received it for 3 years and it just changed with his company a year ago...I would be screwing myself out of alot of money if I file now...so I'll let him do it...once the time has passed I will file...30 years out the window...it will be hard, and I will always love him, even if he stopped loving me...
Is there anything I can do about him taking my son out to OW's home?...he's still married to me....and I'm the one damaging my kids...who is he kidding....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I don't know about Ohio, but in Virginia, i can do something about it. As a matter of fact, Virginia does not allow overnights in a cohabitating relationship at all, even post-divorce. Check into it. You can draft a visitation and custody agreement without drafting a divorce.
Living God's blessings with grace and digntiy~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
SMW....that's good to know...I will check into it...I don't want my son there overnight...it's just not right...my old H would have never done that...of course, it's the new improved H according to him...lol...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
