Actually I was in charge of the cooking, groceries, household maintenance, and getting the kids out most mornings. My son and I are ADD so mornings are a big deal for both of us.

My friction:
I sometimes stewed about W not helping out much, being messy or her complaints that organization of cupboards didn't make sense. Nothing made her more steamed than to say, "Well if you've got a better system then go to town. You live here too." Also W is more finicky than most housecats. She's tough to cook for because of her constantly changing diets. There's no greater dissatisfaction than to spend good effort creating a dish only to have it rejected by fussy kids and W.

My fix. I stepped back and quit feeling compelled to take care of everything. I left things for her to take care of. I cooked things that worked with a decent meal plan and let them choose to eat or go hungry. On Sundays and special days I went to town on the cooking - not as an obligation but as a treat.

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W did bills and worked most Saturdays (she has a sweet deal as an associate where she gets a cut of extra hours).

Her friction: She did bills but thought I needed to play a bigger part. It was tough for me to be involved; bills and organization are not my strength and she always felt I was "in the way". In the last few months I was finding ways to help and taking care of my own obligations such as health insurance, investments, legal matters, and now my own house.

We both work in billable hours professions and there's always that pressure to put in a little more. Her profession is a little richer than mine (law vs media). She might feel resentful that she feels like the breadwinner. I make a good income but she wants me to make more. I'm workin' on that - got a new job title and raise this year and I plan to keep movin up.

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Looking back, I think we were taking a lot of this friction into the bedroom. Combine that with a desperate need to read and understand Schnarch and you have a recipe for a lot of nuthin' goin' on.

"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh