John, Have you scheduled or seen your lawyer? Try to have the strength to go do this...again, if its over its over and filing will not cause your divorce. You can stop the process if you wish later but what everyone is telling you is true...she is dragging this out to see what the OM will do come October.
While your life is miserable she is living her life and you and your daughter are in a holding pattern...you are the only one that can stop this.
Have you packed all of her stuff to include pictures and had her pick it up or arrange storage? Separated all your bills and hopefully paid off any that are joint are taken your name off the loan if you can?
The holiday is over, your birthday is over, it has been months...now is the time for you to expose (have her served at work...you can bet her shop knows what is going on...you need her to be embarassed at what she has done) and tell her you don't want to talk, see, or think about her. She need not call you for anything...your daughter is old enough to interact with her without your help.
Sounds like she was at your house...what happened to your plan to have her wait in the car for your daughter? You have to establish these guidelines, and others, and stick to it...you cannot keep changing your mind hopin she will return if you are the nice guy and let her have her "freedom" to find herself with the OM.
DQ is spot on with her advice...I know it is hard but you have to do this...
Separate all property and money, expose to anyone and everyone who can impact this relationship, file for divorce, then refuse to talk to her until she is ready to work on the marriage and mother-daughter relationship.
