Well it was a great weekend. D22 came in with GD1 (she is soooo cute) and the birthday party was a smash! I got to visit and catch up with D22, and we talked and resolved a lot of issues. It was really great.
I am about half way through packing my apartment up for the move. I cannot believe this time is now going by so fast. I have to hit D13's bedroom tomorrow, and am SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT...mounds of papers and stuffed animals, cheap broken toys. Can you say overhaul????
This is the first thing in a long time that feels really right to me. I still have not heard from H, except to say when he has the fee to file the BK motion to lift the automatic stay, he will give it to me. That is the last thing. I did shoot him a quick email tonight to let him know I would be leaving the personal belongings of his in a box on the porch on Saturday, and that he could pick it up. That was my Dad's suggestion.
I still miss my brother every day. I dream about him a lot. Sometimes I wonder if he is visiting me, or if it is just my over active subconscious that is infiltrating my brain when I sleep. I say this because I am also dreaming of H, and frankly I hate that. I want to be done with this, and yet I still love him and am not sure what to do with that. I guess I will just have to carry on, since he has made it very clear to me that he does not want to be M to me anymore.
I am beginning to heal, though, and that feels really good. I am not crying so much anymore, and starting to sleep again at night. It is a great thing. Now, I look at this move as a new chapter in my life, the opportunity to start over and find my inner happiness.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Beautiful posts of amazing growth, while your ex is stagnant.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you Trusting. I am growing, and have changed so much during the course of this. Even reading posts from a year ago when I first starting posting is amazing to me to remember the place I was at, and how far I have come.
He is stagnant, and I cannot help him anymore. If I could, I don't know that I would, not because I wouldn't want to, but because I have learned from all of this that it would not be his growth, but just an extension of mine.
I am ready to move, anxious and scared, and excited all rolled into one. This is the biggest thing I have done on my own, although technically my Dad is helping (thank God for that because otherwise I would still be...HERE...). The light is shining brighter at the end of that tunnel every day, and I look forward to the day I reach it with my D13, a new home, a new job, and a new outlook on life!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, I relate to so much of your story! Reading this thread has been so helpful.
Hopefully I won't need more advice from you about bankruptcy, but I'm also fighting with the Texas Workforce Commission right now, and feeling depressed from not having a job.
Thanks for your honesty!
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Oh Jon...I so understand that one! It took me six weeks to get through to TWC so I could file my unemployment claim...I find, though, that being on a border town is not helping me either. Moving back east, I will find a job and have a better life!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am so tired. Six days of packing, and one more day to go until I have cleared out of my apartment. Tuesday I will be on a plane bound for the east coast for a week to start interviewing. I have three interviews set up so far, and need to make several phone calls tomorrow so I can see if I can squeeze in a few more.
I feel some sense of peace and calm, and an excitement I can only explain as anticipation. I was always so worried I was running away from this, but I am finally accepting that H is gone, the M is over, and I am okay with that. It is funny, during packing I came across pictures of him, me and my family, and did not start crying. Okay, so I ripped up some of them (it was very therapeutic to rip apart those professional pictures we had done). But mostly I just tucked them away. I am not sure what I will do with them, maybe put them in the bottom of a box. But I am beginning to get excited about the future, and know that right now, it is wide open. Open for a new life, an new job, maybe new love (but not just yet. I don't think I am quite ready). Mostly, I am looking forward to getting back on my feet, surrounded by my family, and seeing trees again. Yeah, I live in the desert. I miss the green. I am even looking forward to the snow, which means that I have lost my mind!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Good for you, for taking back your life. Having family around will help the healing. Memories will continue to arise, embrace them and then move on. Good luck with the job search. You are sounding strong, keep going and remember that this journey is really for us to take.
Sounds absolutely fabulous! A fresh start is absolutely in order and to be with your family will make such a huge difference for you and your daughter.
So, again, when will you be in GA?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I was going to be in GA in about 10 days, but alas a kink in my plans in the view of money of course...I just don't have enough of it right now. I have to fly out again on the 23rd of this month, hopefully to firm up a few things, and there just does not seem to be enough hours in the day. So I am not sure when I will be in GA.
On the bright side, the apartment is almost cleaned out. I am waiting to take one last load, and then I will dismantle the computer and be on my way. I now have four interviews, and will be able to spend a nice, relaxing weekend at my Dad and his W's beach house, enjoying sand, water, sun, and my 3 year old little brother (who is soooo cute). I look forward to just relaxing in a way that I don't think I have for oh maybe 24 years!!! It will be nice to just not have to think for a while. I will return to Hell Paso....errrr El Paso on Tuesday for two weeks, and then go back to VA for another week. And then within two weeks of returning from that trip, I will be back in VA for good. I am so looking forward to it, and have been amazed that the healing from this M has begun. It was a place I never thought I would be.
Of course, now that I am moving it puts a kabosh on the D for six months until I gain residency. But I figure by that time, it will be a minor annoyance that can be finished quickly, so that is fine too.
One of the positions I may be up for is a legal analyst (gee I dont know HOW I will ever learn to analyze...) and I am hoping that I get an offer. If I do get an offer I cannot refuse, well, things will move a little bit quicker as basically I will come back her to collect D13 and my car, and I will be hittin' the road....
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
