Needless to say, the hard part for me now IS the rollercoaster. I keep telling myself that him texting me about his looking at our old pics and being a family and providing for me was a HUGE insight into what I have been thinking about re: his reasons for leaving. I KNOW we are up a creek financially and I think that him leaving has alot to do with that. And even though it doesn't make sense...(we are more screwed financially now that he's left)...it makes sense that he is trying to run from the guilt for the position he has put us in. So, I have been hoping for a sign that he is coming around and instead of taking it as one...it makes me worry why he isn't just showing up and saying I WANT TO COME HOME!!! Ridiculous I know. This is the rollercoaster we speak of. Highs and lows. I know...time, patience, patience and MORE patience. The good news is that I think I am doing really well acting "as if". It is working as far as him showing a degree of interest...so I have to hold onto that and keep movin' forward.
Do I want to let him have the kids for the 4th??? No, but one of my DB goals was to have him initiate involving me into the plans. Alot can happen in a month, but I am going to make plans with my kids without him. I can hardly handle giving them up for the weekend much less a holiday that we always of course spend together as a family. Sometimes I wonder if he says stuff like that just to upset me...
So far for the week I am going to set my goals...just to get thru this week alone.
1)Consult an attorney.
2)Make a decision on where to live.
3)Workout everyday.
4)spend more quality time with my girls.
5)try to stop my negative thoughts.
Thanks for the insight guys. Bear with my non-PMA...it will come back I know it!!!
