AFWAW - You said: "Good, I hope she sees that I am becoming less patient and less tolerant of her attitude and behavior."
I am sorry for some tough love here but, NO, she sees the opposite of you becoming less patient and less tolerant. She sees you waiting around for crumbs from her and that you are begging for them. She sees you agonizing over whether or not SHE will come back to YOU, ie: you have given her all the power to decide YOUR future. She sees you as an obstacle to her own happiness.
Please please find a way to become detached. I know you are doing a little better as you said, you are posting less. But the reality remains: you are basically just waiting around to find out what SHE is going to do, rather than deciding yourself what YOU are going to do...and it is more than obvious to her.
I think it's time for an ultimatum. If she's NOT coming home then I don't want to see you. You're NOT her pet monkey.
Yeah, I hear you. I was going to read the section in DB that talks about this again tonight as I am ready to get started on my marriage again or get on w/ my life.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John, Have you scheduled or seen your lawyer? Try to have the strength to go do this...again, if its over its over and filing will not cause your divorce. You can stop the process if you wish later but what everyone is telling you is true...she is dragging this out to see what the OM will do come October.
While your life is miserable she is living her life and you and your daughter are in a holding pattern...you are the only one that can stop this.
Have you packed all of her stuff to include pictures and had her pick it up or arrange storage? Separated all your bills and hopefully paid off any that are joint are taken your name off the loan if you can?
The holiday is over, your birthday is over, it has been months...now is the time for you to expose (have her served at work...you can bet her shop knows what is going on...you need her to be embarassed at what she has done) and tell her you don't want to talk, see, or think about her. She need not call you for anything...your daughter is old enough to interact with her without your help.
Sounds like she was at your house...what happened to your plan to have her wait in the car for your daughter? You have to establish these guidelines, and others, and stick to it...you cannot keep changing your mind hopin she will return if you are the nice guy and let her have her "freedom" to find herself with the OM.
DQ is spot on with her advice...I know it is hard but you have to do this...
Separate all property and money, expose to anyone and everyone who can impact this relationship, file for divorce, then refuse to talk to her until she is ready to work on the marriage and mother-daughter relationship.
You've been listening to the same broken record from all of us for quite a while now. I stopped singing along for a bit because I really didn't know how else to give you helpful support without repeating (louder and louder) what you seemingly need to resist for whatever reason.
Only you can stop the crazy train. Only when you're ready to look forward.
Jane! Stop this CRAZY THING! (Jetsons anyone?) John, like Lucky said, we are all behind you, but like her, it is time to pull the safety net under her very dangerous trapeeze act!
So the wife calls last night and wants to talk to D. D hangs up the phone after about 1 min and says wow, I guess she was busy. She acted as if she was in a rush. So I called her back and said, what gives? She said what do you mean? I said, we can't take this hot and cold crap any more. She said, I know it's not fair to either of you. I asked her what the dilema was. She said her thoughts vary from day to day(I suspect based on OM's presence and attitude)whereas one day she feels like coming home and the next day she enjoys having to answer to anyone. Whatever, my D and I went swimming last night and had a guitar hero contest. She won.
Last edited by AFWAW; 06/02/0901:49 PM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
