mama...It sounds like continued small steps of improvement to me!!! This is good!
Just one thing about him suddenly turning away from the intimacy directly afterwards...
Have you read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? This sort of thing falls into the catetgory of a man's habit of "rubberbanding". It is a part of the male intimacy cycle, and although its very confusing to women, if a woman is patient and watches this cycle from beginning to end, she will see that it nearly always ends with him snapping back to her even stronger than before (this is why John Gray calls it rubberbanding - after intense closeness, the man feels the need to re-establish his autonomy so he pulls back...when he reaches his feeling of autonomy again, his rubberband is stretched all the way away from you...then he SNAPS right back to you and wants more intimacy again).
Most men don't realize this is hurtful to women. They are just following their natural instinct to become autonomous. Men have a built in fear of intimacy, because it causes primal issues within him. For instance, if he is too intimate with you, he feels he will "lose himself" within the relationship, and if he "loses himself" then how can he be the man and protect you and children from harm? So for him to feel like he is losing himself is a very scary thing, thus the rubberbanding. Once a woman makes it clear to a man that he is communicating something hurtful to her when he rubberbands directly after sex, the man can usually make adjustments so that she will not feel this way. Many men just need to be told "hey honey, I need to you stay in the moment with me after sex for a little while so I can enjoy the intimacy...when you immediately talk about anything except the intimacy it makes me feel cheap and used and empty". Being that men don't realize you feel this way normally, you can't expect him to really understand your feeling without telling him about it.
This is not to say that your H doesn't have other intimacy issues, because you know that he does and that is why he is seeking counseling. I just wanted you to realize that the pulling away after sex is fairly typical, and usually can be dealt with by just telling him your feelings, in a sweet and playful (non-judgmental) way. If he feels you are disaproving of his basic need to re-establish autonomy, he will fight back at you. But if instead he realizes YOUR need to remain close for a short time after sex, he will usually be on board with that.
