Why not?

[The Wifey]

Ok, this is the tricky part for me. I just woke up AGAIN feeling like dukey, sick to my stomach, that left behind feeling.

At the end of the day, as in our M, I'm ten times the man he'll likely ever be AND a woman to boot.

I would love to make the space for him to be the man here. That is what I needed in the R and that is what would need to happen for him to come home. But, it would require me falling apart and needing him, begging him, revealing all of my vulnerability. Yes, I actually do think he would come back if I did that, expressed my need. But, I am way beyond that.

I am "ok" but always an inch away from some outburst of whaling, sobbing, blubbery (which I ward off fairly well). Posting here and getting responses helps me refocus and stay on the horse. I appreciate this communication.

A&K

Honey, it will be a long time before you wake up without that dukey feeling. It sucks, it hurts, it makes it so hard to get out of bed. I KNOW!!!!!!

You are normal. He is delusional. But, no amount of talk will get him to grow up, face reality, or change/stop what he is doing right now.

I recommend you start a journal. This will be where you turn to when you want to pour your heart out, scream at him, tell him about the hurt, when you can't seem to stop crying, when there isn't enough wine in the house. You get the picture.

And if you need to cry, then find a private place and have at it. Sometimes a good cry until you can't cry more helps. Honestly.

You are man enough and woman enough. Don't worry about what other people think. You know the truth. I tormented myself with this until I decided that no one outside my family really mattered.

And absolutely do not give him lots of details. And, don't answer "fine" when he asks how things are going. I usually answer, "How do you think?" Let your H draw his own conclusions. I am so cheerful and upbeat H is confused. Yet, I still answer that way if he asks.

You are doing ok. You are more than ok, really. A&K is woman, hear her roar!