he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

sure, it gets easier to deal with, but then things change again, we get sucked back in and voila, it happens all over.

im smart. im not stupid. but my heart is leading right now.

ive decided that after i cry, get angry at what has occurred, i revert back to the fantasy i have made him into.

he isnt the same person that i married, that i have my amazing life with.

he is there, yes, but hidden under the mixed up, screwed up husband.

he took our amazing life, amazing family and threw it in the toilet. and i watched it all happen.

and as i watched, is said this cant be. and the me saying this cant be, overpowered the part of me that sees what he is doing and what he is capable of.

but i cant turn off my attraction to him. its just not that simple.

i cant never see him, because of our son.

but, i cant let him come and go, i just cant.