another newcomer - thread #2

[JKL2009]

Yesterday was one of those head scratches for me. The weekend was basically uneventful, almost normal. Late yesterday afternoon, after doing a little yard work with WAW and S, we were relaxing inside and winding down. S had a snack and watching TV, WAW and I had a drink at the dining room table. WAW asks if I would like to talk about anything since S was occupied. Since she brought it up, I said sure – what would you like to talk about? A paraphrased, high-level summary:

WAW: Well, about the house getting listed; should I move out soon? We have a lot of stuff here and we need to make the place look better to sell. Maybe I should move soon.

ME: I understand the point; we do have a lot of things to do. But I didn’t think you wanted to do that because of the financial hit. And I don’t mean this to come across as harsh, but I don’t think it would be right for our savings to be hit or me to help pay for you to leave and live elsewhere.

I don’t want to do that but it is hard to live like this plus you have said at times I should “own my decision” and move out.

I know, this is hard on us all and I said that when I was frustrated how you were acting, but for the past month I have been consistent.

I think we need to sit down and discuss what needs to be done to the house be plan realistically a timeframe

My attorney looked at this draft separation agreement and that was an issue missing – if you move out you still have to pay for your share of the mortgage and that is a lot. Plus the numbers she had for child support and such were not right for our situation.

I knew this would happen; my lawyer said you would get nasty like this.

This is not being nasty, I don’t want this to happen but I have to look our for my interests as well and my ability to provide for our son and what is fair

So what do you want?

What do I want? Honestly, you know what I want. That being said, I want you to stay in this house so I can spend as much time as I can with our son and with you.

You think I am going to change my mind.

Not at all, I don’t think or expect that at all. Yes, there is a sliver in my heart that hopes for that but I am not stupid and I see where things are right now. Are you miserable here now?

No, I was before but not now. But I think this is an act and won’t last.

I understand. I wish I was that good of an actor; I would move to Hollywood and be a movie star!

Listen, I have laid off the past month but I am happy to talk more on things. We have been doing more communicating that a long time, don’t you think? I feel in some ways we are closer friends recently, don’t you?

Yes, it is like it used to be. But you changed and it has not been like this for a long time

I know, I wasn’t willing to look at myself and be honest when you brought that up before.

This past week was really hard; I was super unproductive at work.

Me too. I wonder why that was for us?

I don't know. Just a lot going on and it is hard to process it all.

Listen, let’s just to the best we can to keep being open and honest with each other, and not let lawyers, etc. influence us. This is all very hard for everyone and very emotional. Let’s do the best we can and work with each other.

We need to do some things to the house. Even if we reconcile, there are a few things that need to be done anyway.

I agree, let’s start with those things ASAP. I planned on that this summer anyway.

And with that we said we would talk to a realtor this week and start getting advice on what to do to make the house ready. So she continues to drive home the point that I had many years to fix things, she has built up to this now and this train has left the station. But I see some cracks in the WAW wall, I think.