Living, Loving, & Learning one day at a time

[Treese]

Hello Everyone....I've been away for a while...everything remains the same with H except he is getting bolder...doing things to get under my skin...and continuing to tell me he has moved on and is very happy...That we need to get this divorce moving so the kids can have closure...

Here's what happened....I have been very still, not calling or texting H...quite proud of myself but I don't know what came over me and I snapped...maybe because my kids are the ones who are suffering in this whole mess so that he can be with OW and worry about himself...

I've had serveral moms from the baseball team my son is on ask me why my H doesnt even say hello to me, doesn't even look my way...that kind of hurt...I just answer I'm not sure...

So, this past weekend D22 came home to do some wedding stuff and check out places for the reception...we did that and H took S11 with him for the night Saturday...well, yesterday I went with D22 on an appt...when we finished I did the right thing and texted H to let him know we booked the reception hall....never heard back from him...texted him later to see when he was bringing my son home, hadn't heard from my son so I knew he wasnt home...well, I needed him to be home as I had a graduation party to go to and I needed to take my son...so I called H....he answered and I asked if he was bringing my son home so as I had to leave...he said, "as soon as we're done playing corn hole"..RED FLAG!!! I asked, "where are you playing that at"...At OW house...I said I asked you not to take him there....he said, he is having a blast...of course he was, he's 11 and it's all fun when he's with him...I then asked if my son has spent the night there, He said, Yes....okay so I flipped out....I was so ticked off...I realize that he can take him where ever but....we're not even divorced yet and he is taking our son to another womans house and spending the night and H sees nothing wrong with it...I cried so hard after I found out that today I feel like I've been run over by a truck....
I was walking into the house and was almost vomiting over all this, it made me that sick to my stomach that my D16 wanted to know what was wrong...I then told her that H had taken S11 to his GF's...that's it....she immediately texted him and went off....then he called me back all mad at me telling me I am the one damaging my kids by telling them stuff, that I should have just said I was upset about something....let me just tell you that my D16 would know it was H....she is so smart....I told my H that D16 is smarter than we will ever be....I'll tell you that if she told Me what she told him, I would be devastated...all he says is it's my fault that my kids found out all this stuff...I guess I was supposed to keep his affair, that I found out by a man on my doorstep, and that he has a 10 yr old son from another affair, that I found out through an email...that look how the kids found out, by me slapping him across the face the night I received the email....well, what was I supposed to do, say, "oh, it's okay"...I reacted like any other person would react in the situation...

Anyway, I told him, I am taking care of my kids, that he never respected me and he should have respected the fact that I asked him not to take my son to her house....he said I had no right to tell him that, that I was just mad that I didnt' have control over the situation...I said, " I do have a say when it comes to my son"....I would never sneak my son somewhere that H asked me not to....OUT OF RESPECT....and I wouldn't put my 11 yr old little boy in all that...I told H that my son is going to need counseling before he meets this brother that we never knew about before he meets him and after...H just laughed at me....
I can say at this point that I do not like the person he's become, maybe he is loving to OW and to her children but he treats me like crap....I've loved him since I was 14 and it's difficult to just let go...I want to, it's just difficult...

I hope in time I can....some days I want to just run away...from it all.....

So, there it is, I know I blew it but I was so over that stupid smurk on his face...

So, let me have it.....