WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

About the call on Sunday......first of all, let me say this to you about telling your 7 years old child that you may not be able to keep your house if Mommy doesn't come back home. If I had a club right now, I would use it on you. You NEVER, EVER tell a child that young anything like that! It will cause his insecurities to increase by leeps and bounds. Children are not equipped to deal with adult "business" matters. There is no telling how he may have interpreted that one issue. You are so caught up in your problems and emotions that you are not using wisdom where your children are concerned. Please be careful in the future what you say to them.

I know that was a huge mistake. I didn't start by going that route. I started by saying that we may have to sell the house and move. When he started stressing about how he liked the house and doesn't want to move I guess I lost it as well. It was really a hard thing for me to deal with and I know it was totally unfair for me to share this burden with him. I'll have him back on Thurs so I'll make sure I talk to him about this to diffuse it as much as possible.

Next, if you had the children with you, then you knew her call was not anything about the kids, so you should not have responded. You walked right into that one and further more, I think you knew you would!

I didn't have the kids with me on the call Sunday. She had called earlier, about 15 minutes after she picked up the kids as my 3 year old wanted to remind me to charge the battery on his ride on dump truck so it will be ready when he comes home. So when she called back about 10 minutes later, I thought it was more of the same. Boy was I wrong....

Your wife is doing more of the same old---same old, nothing has changed. You are still talking waaaaaay too much in response to her complaining. You want to know what you should do??? I can tell you but you won't do it b/c it would be something you are afraid to do. If it were me, I would call her bluff! All this yacking about her trying to make up her mind and she is just keeping you sitting in the "hot seat" (where she wants you to be) and she keeps calling the shots.........the next time she came up with all this stuff about divorce, I would just tell her to do whatever she feels she has to do and I would not argue with her or try to get her to change her mind. She will play this game as long as you continue to be her puppet!

Wow - that is really a tough one. From last nite's call, it sounded like she's is done making up her mind as she said pretty clearly that she doesn't want to be my wife any more as she doesn't trust me. Part of the conversation last nite was she felt that I still don't get her and am not listening to her, so it was more of the same from the past.

I don't follow the strategy of telling her to do whatever she feels she has to do and not to try to change her mind. Now remember, I am, as you had pointed out, a DAM :-p

PS - glad you're feeling better and for stopping by with your club!