You are doing it for you, and you are trying hard to get happy in your life, for you. you love yourself right? dont you want to be happy? your happiness doesnt depend on another person. Know full well that after all this, that realisation will be so hardwired into you, that NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE THIS POWER OVER YOU AGAIN!!!!
that doesnt mean you wont love again - you will - but you will always remember that maintaining who you ARE as an individual is a gift hard won and not something you'll give up easily again. You will never sell out your identity; you will always be true to yourself.
you do not have to let go you do not have to force yourself to feel anything, in fact you cant anyway; you'll go thru the full sprectrum of suffering, but its a passage worth travelling, to get back to you again. try, if you can, to shift the focus off HIM a bit, and more onto you.
may I recommend (and pls ignore if you like!) that the dalai lamas book "the art of happiness" may help you.
xoxoxo
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
