I add my greetings along with all the other posters.
As someone mentioned, when you're in the position that you are now (and we all have been), there's no way but up. So don't give up on yourself!
I just also wanted to add , most lawyers will tell you to NOT be the one that leaves the family home. I'm not sure what the laws are in your area, but here it is no-fault. My L strongly suggested that I not move out of the home while xh and I were separated. Xh was already living in an apt with OW at the time. I wanted to be able to find an apt and leave HIM with the mess of cleaning out our home of 22 years, deal with the realtors, etc. My L said no, to stay there as long as possible. I would imagine it has to do with the financial agreements during separation/divorce.
It might not hurt for you to have a consultation with a L at this point. It does NOT mean that you are considering/want a divorce..but it will give you a heads up as to what you need to consider before you make any decisions based on your emotions at the time. I would suggest making no decisions based on your or your Hs emotions. Things have to be treated as a business arrangement, and no less when it comes to property/living arrangements/financial agreements. As you've found out,when our emotions are in a tailspin, we're out of control and make bad decisions and act out poorly...both things that can damage our chances for a more equitable outcome if necessary.
The more in control you feel of your own self-worth, the more you will be able to step back and not let the emotions control you and your actions.
I agree with the others...the OW is a tool for your H to feel better about himself. You know...the knight in shining armor?? He's feeling badly about himself, and she makes him feel that he has worth and reason in life. Doesn't mean that you didn't..but she is new and doesn't know all his faults/warts like you have learned over the years. He can be whomever he wants with her..she's a clean slate.
Just remember...this is about him...not about you or necessarily your marriage. I'm sure you made mistakes in this relationship too...we all have...but this about his own self-worth and fears. The OW is willing to be whomever he wants/needs for the time being. But never fear, in time her true colors will show and she will demand more of him than he's capable of or wants to extend to her.
I can only imagine the betrayal you must feel because of the friends that knew what was going on and didn't tell you. Try not to hold it against them...some people would rather pretend to be ignorant that be the messenger that brings such devastating news to someone they're close to. But I also wouldn't forget which side of the fence they decided to stay on in the future. Be careful that you don't talk to your friends or family about this whole situation. Don't give anyone the ammo to be used against you in the future. And it makes it much harder if you and your H reconcile in the future. If too many people know all the details, it's hard to find support if you want him back later on.
Again, welcome..and I hope you will find the support and advice that you need from this board. It's a wonderful collection of people and opinions.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
