WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[MrBond]

CIPA,

Your W is still engaging in the blaming you game. You've told her time and time again what you want, what you're doing, etc. And she's still asking you "what are you doing" "I'm getting mixed signals" "It's all your fault".

Utter garbage.

It's like what sandi said, you're not a mindreader and it's especially hard when she tells you one thing and acts another.

For example, she told you it was the responsibility of the parent with the kids to have the call. Then when you did that, she didn't call, nor did she apologize the following day. That's being plain rude and selfish. What's up with her "do as I say and not as I do" mentality.

Like before she moved out...before she got into it, you should have stopped her before she went off on the blame game on you and told her "look, I'm not a mind reader. I've told you over and over again. Do you want space or not? Do you want me to pursue you or not? It's as simple as that." Or just flat out tell her that you have been getting mixed messages from her so you're giving her space and time to sort things out. That you love her very much and that you would like to be together, but this is what she asked for and you are respecting that. End of story.

In your case, your W still has not dealt with any of her anger/issues and prefers to use you as the scapegoat. Before you go beating yourself up, let me ask you this...how many times has she gone to therapy? Zero?

She's scared, mixed up and has just realized that she's alone without her kids half the time. It was her choice. But rather than accepting resposibility, she's taking it out on you.

Don't take that crap. Remember to stop her before she goes off on you. Be as compassionate as you can, but it's obvious she's mixed up because she doesn't even remember what she's been saying.

Back off a bit and let deal with herself. Put your foot down and tell her to start looking at herself rather than you being the one to solve all her problems.

All the hurt she's experiencing now is what she's doing to herself.

Stay as strong as possible.