What worked on me was him telling me outright it was over and he never wanted to see or speak to me ever again as long as the affair continued. I got VERY AFRAID - remember we had kids together and he was basically saying, I will not SEE you or SPEAK to you even in relation to the kids - I will go thru someone else to get to you; I wont TOLERATE you.
I did the same thing with my own wife and completely agree with you. I meant it when I said I wanted nothing more to do with her and it did scare the crap out of her. In fact, she had run off to OM's house in England and I left her there, flew back to Australia and stopped all communication. 25 days later she (grudgingly) came back.
Adulterous wives only understand hardball and hard consequences. There will be many on here who disagree but I am yet to see a single situation on this board where a man pandered to his wife whilst the affair was in progress to have her come back. Being intimidated by an adulterous wife's anger and threats is the last thing that will make her respect you.
That doesn't mean the husband should be mean or cruel - far from it. A betrayed husband should be strong, resolute, honest and even handed, admitting his own part in the marital breakdown without anger or name-calling.
Others can feel free to disagree.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
