Can you check out my posts under Newcomers and give me some insight?
I need your guidance, please!!! WAW? is the post name.
I am not sure how to thread or anything like that.
Thanks!
VC I read your thread; and I do understand and empathise with your desperation and concern but you need to stop what your doing because its not working. Showing how sad you are, acting desperate, and constantly trying so hard is not the way to go right now and yes I DO know that sounds impossible but you can do it. You can if you realise this right now: carrying on the way you have been is NOT going to work ANYWAY so you might as well change tack - and also you have to do it for you to regain a sense of self respect.
If you keep going down the road of expressing so much desperation and need to make it work I guarantee you two things, 1) she wont care and wont come around and 2) your going to lose all your self respect and end up HATING HER - thats when the REAL explosions happen, the ones you REGRET. TO avoid your relationship becoming Hiroshima (and believe me, it will if you keep cake eating like this) CHANGE what your doing.
ACCEPT IT. ACCEPT WHAT SHES DOING. TELL HER FINE YOU HAVE ACCEPTED IT. THATS RIGHT LIE TO HER FACE AND DO IT WITH A REGRETFUL, BUT DRY EYED SMILE.
stop talking about the marriage. STOP talking about her 'making a mistake'. stop talking about trying to keep her there or 'trying one more time'. Quit with the self blame as well, your just focussing her more on it and validating her.
If she raises it say things like "when its over, its over" and "I respect your decision" and (smile wistfully when you say this "I hope im lucky enough to find someone else to love, LIKE YOU HAVE". (dont forget thats a good one.) STOP asking about OM stop caring stop looking.
With step son, do the SAME. dont be tempted to use him by expressing your distress because its too much for a 15 yr old. its not good for him. so for HIS sake do the same thing. I know its hard and sometimes you'll need to get away or leave the house bc you'll be so emotional. DONT show it.
stay in your house let her make all the efforts to leave and then, and I know how hard this is for you, LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY.
look i know this is insanely trite but its REALLY TRUE: if you love something, set it free. if it belonged to you, it will return. If it doesnt, it was never yours.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
