I'm not always saying this, but yeah, get some meds to sleep and to help stop the looping thinking in circles about what if and what if...
You have a real JOB event coming with the new guy there all week AND you have the kids at night AND maybe your div papers are coming so you need to keep it together big time. Many of us HAVE had some "stuff" like this where we thought to ourselves, "Hey GOD, I'm raising the white flag, okay? I SURRENDER, YOU WIN UNIVERSE..." for reasons similar...
SO you'll max out this week AND SURVIVE....b/c all the REALISTIC worst case scenarios are not fatal or so horrible. Yeah, you might be divorced. So what? We ALREADY had a LONG post about why that might not be a bad idea EVEN IF you still want a recon b/c it might just be what you/she need to do. Who knows? It is NOT an all bad scene.
So your girls will see you busy in your new life. Let them see you HANDLING life on life's terms. No vegging out, no drinking to "cope" and blah blah blah. And Kev, Don't sweat the small stuff and most of the pizza/picky eating stuff IS small and it happens, and is it only now that you noticed it? Well then it's good you are getting to know your girls more. Discover them.
Your apartment may be temporary. So what Kevin? My HOUSE might be. I mean come on, is this something worth saying at all, let alone so soon after moving in? You chose the place and now you are AGAIN second guessing your choices. You need to stop that pattern in you and your self doubts. Besides so what if you might have made a better choice? Could I have chosen a better apartment to rent in Venice? Probably. Could I have gotten better seats on the plane, oh yeah for sure....and???? SO WHAT??? You would not feel "at home" in ANY apartment now. Don't keep vacillating and second guessing yourself. It's such a waste when you have "real" stuff to deal with this week. And it's weak. And you are pulling out all the stops now to get ALL the strength you have inside for your regular life PLUS a few stressors this week so for your sake and your kids, keep it together and stop worrying about the vague "I'm still not totally comfortable/feeling at home" kind of rambling. Negative, and useless AND coming to you at a bad time. BE HERE NOW FULLY PRESENT for the big stuff Kevin.
You can totally live with this choice, and make the best of it, or use your brain cells worrying about it some more...OR make it nice! IT IS IN YOUR CONTROL TO DO SO... I think if you spend half the time DOING things in your life, that you spend on worrying and second guessing, you'd accomplish a great deal AND you'd be a lot happier. But it's up to you. How you live your life and with what attitude is ALL up to you... no one else is responsible for you being happy OR strong...Lean on the Big Guy and find him in YOU.
God will give you what you need if you ask and take what He gives...accept it. Don't resist. Get the books that have been recommended...have you checked them out in the library or gone to a bookstore yet? IF NOT, WHY NOT? A ton of books have been recommended to you...if you have not gotten any of them THAT would be an example of resisting help offered to you. No one can rescue you Kev, we are trying to help YOU Live your life well. But we cannot do it for you. NO one else here can and we are all in the same boat in that regard. You found out about all this "crap" a LOT SOONER than most of the spouses here. Do you realize that? You are so far ahead of most of us here...only 34, wow! You have so much living to do and you are YOUNG!! Anyhow...don't SVON on me cuz it's going to drain me...And hey, you didn't clarify the "NUTS" comment that was "off"...hope you got my point.
I have to go now. Will check in sometime. Take care and keep doing what works and do Not backslide... Just keep doing the changes in yourself. As the Sheryl Crow song says, "Change will do you good."
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
