So, about to go to bed and figured I may as well start a new thread.
Spent the day with some friends I haven't seen in a few years. Positive people. They know H casually through me (and of course, they have some connection to rock star that is just so "uncanny"). I feel like I'm separated from Kevin Bacon.
But, overall, I felt good about myself and got a lot of support and realized how very necessary friends are. Friends who see the best in you and value your character and heart in a sitch like this.
My kids were so awesome and well behaved. My two boys just made feel so hopeful and proud. They talk a lot about missing their dad and I just validate and we move on. They are clearly more adept at doing that than I am.
I just sent H a super friendly email (he was worried because I haven't been responding to his messages- I only respond if I need to)...somehow, this is just who I need to be. Friendly, nice, to the point. Feels good and doesn't feel like eating sh*t. Maybe because I was soooo busy all weekend and had a good time.
So I'm trying to make a deal with myself. If I need to let H know how horrible this has been or how hurtful to me or the kids, I will do it in a couple of years or when I am just done with holding on to him in any way. Hopefully by then, it wont even feel necessary to me but for now, it will keep me steady.
Overall, doing well. Socialized, worked, spent quality time with my kids and am communicating effectively...feeling pretty good.
G'night everybody (or anybody who stumbles here). Sweet Dreams.
