I am so tired. Six days of packing, and one more day to go until I have cleared out of my apartment. Tuesday I will be on a plane bound for the east coast for a week to start interviewing. I have three interviews set up so far, and need to make several phone calls tomorrow so I can see if I can squeeze in a few more.

I feel some sense of peace and calm, and an excitement I can only explain as anticipation. I was always so worried I was running away from this, but I am finally accepting that H is gone, the M is over, and I am okay with that. It is funny, during packing I came across pictures of him, me and my family, and did not start crying. Okay, so I ripped up some of them (it was very therapeutic to rip apart those professional pictures we had done). But mostly I just tucked them away. I am not sure what I will do with them, maybe put them in the bottom of a box. But I am beginning to get excited about the future, and know that right now, it is wide open. Open for a new life, an new job, maybe new love (but not just yet. I don't think I am quite ready). Mostly, I am looking forward to getting back on my feet, surrounded by my family, and seeing trees again. Yeah, I live in the desert. I miss the green. I am even looking forward to the snow, which means that I have lost my mind!!!

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..