WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Well, I'm afraid that Coach is going to russel up the DB caravan for this one and it won't be for a DB GAL road trip

My wife called me to follow up on the call this morning. She wound up in tears of how she is still so hurt and can't ever see trusting me with her feelings or in my changes or that I will ever truly just get her and that she just doesn't want to be my wife any more. She knows that I am becoming a better person with my changes and knows that I am a great dad but just can't be vulnerable enough to be my wife.

I told her that I feel that hurt that she was feeling, and asked if there was anything that I could do.

She asks that I at least recognize her as the mother of the children and treat her nicely, not cold/mean.

I told her that if we do wind up divorced, I will be cordial and courteous, but will not be able to be friends with the woman I love and not be able to show her that.

She then said that it will be for the best of the kids if I could be. She then went on about how she just can't doesn't have any feelings for me that way anymore. She says that she doesn't hate me, but just doesn't have the feelings a wife should have for a husband.

I said that she didn't have those feelings when we first met, but they grew. She responded that was before she had all the hurt. I told her that I can understand how holding onto the hurt will prevent the feelings or trust from getting established.

She said that right now she would trust a stranger more than she could trust me with her feelings. She said that the past is the best indication of how a person will be and in the past I clearly shown how I couldn't be trusted with her heart/vulnerability.

I said that was the past and this is the present and I've changed.

She said that we had talked about it in the past, but I didn't change then so what would make her think it will be different in the future. She said that we tried in the past when we talked about it and it didn't happen.

I told her that I didn't understand it back then like I do now. She said that there wasn't any feelings left and she can't find a reason to try now.

I told her that talking to a therapist has really helped me understand and that she had mentioned about talking to a therapist a couple of weeks ago. She said that she still hasn't had time to go/find one (guess she isn't ready to do the work). I asked her about Weds' appointment and she said it was for a chiropractor.

She then went into how she still hasn't found a reason to change her mind and how if I had just signed the paper back in January, we would have been done right now/today. She said that she even when we are doing family things together, she doesn't have the feeling of how good it is to see me or to see me again.

She said that all I've done so far is confuse her because I've said I've changed but I still don't get her. When I asked what she meant by get her, she said understand how she feels or what she wants/needs. I asked her how was I suppose to do that when we don't talk about it. She then said that I should call her to find out or if I don't understand what she wants.

I told her that I was trying to respect her time and space so, as I told her the day she moved out, was that I wasn't going to call her and that she can call me if she wants to talk. She said that's not what she meant by time and space, she didn't want to me to call and ask her for lunch and/or dinner every nite.

She then went into how I had all those years where I didn't show her any attention and neglected her. I told her that she has my full undivided attention now. She said I have a confusing way of showing it.

She was still crying through all this. Then I told her that I had wanted to call her, but didn't because I was trying to respect her time and space. She said that was just like the past, how when she was around, I wouldn't talk to her and just ignore her and acted like I didn't want her around or go out on a date.

I then said that I can't explain why I did acted that way in the past and appologized for it already. I then told her that I was confused as to what she wanted or was expecting from me.

She said that she wanted me to treat her the way I want to. Then I told her that I wanted to treat her as my wife, but she said she didn't want that.

So then I said that I would love to spend time with just the two of us to try and get to know each other again. She asked, like a date. I said yes and she said the word date scares her. I then said how about just lunch to chat. She said that we could but it's not what she would really want to do so she wouldn't want to give me false hope. ACK!!! I said if that's the case, that would just add to the hurt then.

She then went on about how I should just call/email/text her whenever I wanted to, like she does. I then asked what if that includes asking about lunch. She said that I could if I wanted to. I then suggested perhaps it would be better if she contact me then. She said that it wouldnt' be on the top of her priority.

I was starting to get frustrated so I wound up ending the call when she yawned by saying it was getting late.

NOT GOOD. PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH THE 2x4's