GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[PortlandDad]

GH31,

What is it that you want? Except for the recent 'cold' behavior, your sitch seems mostly positive for you. Your W is home with you and the OM is now out of the picture. You don't know how many people on these boards would give their left arm to just have those two simple events in their own sitches!

Let me ask you: Are you currently DB'ing? If you aren't, then why not? You say that you are unapologetic in fighting for your marriage, so I take that to mean that you are DBing. If that is true, then what 180s and techniques are you employing, and what has been the outcome of those actions?

You haven't provided a lot of details about how you were before, but it sounds like your W might have some resentment toward you from how you treated her. Have you tried compassion? Acceptance? Those things can be incredibly hard, especially for the LBS who remained faithful and waited. When the wayward spouse returns, it is natural to feel vengeful and angry. What our Sp really needs is compassion; to be able to feel safe in their choice to come back. Coach told me months ago that I needed compassion in my sitch, too, and that was before my W had committed to coming home. I wasn't as compassionate as I should have been, and my recent treatment of my W has been vengeful and demeaning. As a result, she is having second thoughts about coming home. Try to use kindness, compassion, and love to temper your own feelings of hurt, loss, and betrayal. Once she is comfortable with you and feels 'safe' at home as with you as a husband, lover and confidant, she will open up and the "I love you's" will return.