Thank you all so much for writing to me. You are very kind. I’m only half serious about suicide. I know it’s not the answer – but I feel so hopeless. It feels as though nothing is going to be right again. I feel as though the bottom has fallen out of my world. I feel as though this is so bad, so painful, it may be impossible to recover.
I do know in my head that’s not true. I have broken up with partners before and I know it does get better with time – but right now it just seems so overwhelming. I think it’s the betrayal more than anything.
I’m a grown up. I know what men and women do together and I’m not a prude – but I just can’t get the image of them together out of my head. I keep imagining them being intimate and I am winded by the image. I read somewhere here about using techniques for stopping
He’s just come home from golf with his son and they are both happy, happy, happy. I’m ‘acting as if’ – but I feel like a fool, because everyone knows what he’s doing and I’m just sitting here taking it – and smiling at the pleasure.
I’m taking myself out to lunch now so I don’t have to look at him.
