I am sorry you are here but I will say that you have found a great place and you already have some wonderful people posting to you.
I want to echo everyone and say if you have more suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone. I would suggest right now maybe seeing your physician to get something to help you temporarily stabalize your moods.
When I first came here, I was angry, shocked, hurt, tired, frustrated and more angry. I couldn't stop my thoughts from spinning. I got on AD's for a very short time and they did help me to stop the whirlwind that was going on in my head and allowed me to begin to figure myself out.
This is a long road whether MLC or just OW, but as those that have been around for a while will say, it is actually an opportunity for you. I know it doesn't seem that way now. But it will. Get Divorce Remedy. Read it. Do NOT talk about OW or your R with H. It will just make him run to her. Honestly, right now, you have to focus on yourself. Come here and read and post and vent. I understand the anger you are feeling and I too still want to rage at my H sometimes but it does no good.
Snodderly is right. They have been brought together by death and grief. There is nothing you can do right now to change that. Just take care of yourself and know that people here will listen. The beginning really is the hardest. It does get better. You will be ok.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
