GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[GH31]

I have not posted on here for 5 months but wrote some threads on here last year.

Well. My wife has been in an EA/PA for 18 months. It started in late January 2008 whilst we were living in Germany. OM was seconded to Germany at the time when the affair began but lives in the UK. W and I are from Australia.

I came home in January 2008 one day to find W and all of her stuff gone - she moved to England and in with OM. After three months of my W visiting me in Germany occasionally and us "seeing how we interact" I said to her if she wasn't in a position to commit to and recover the marriage then I would move back to Australia and back into our family home. She lied to me about timeframes and moved the goalposts too many times so I moved back. Lots of emails followed and I responded only to one. 25 days later, in May 2008 she grudgingly moved all of her stuff and herself back to Australia.

The last year has been incredible. In November/December 2008 this OM flew to Australia to try and get her to leave and go back to England. W ended up going on a trip with him for a few days but didn't leave. We were in separate rooms until the end of 2008 and she resolutely refused to wear her wedding ring. The wedding ring has been back on since January 2009 and she moved everything back into our old, large room. Pictures of us went back up on the mantelpiece and we bought new furniture and a car. All of this time she has been emailing OM professing undying love and saying she'll come but he did not respond for nearly six months; I know this from snooping thoroughly and independent verification.

Finally OM snapped after receiving all of these emails and forwarded them all to me. W called him for the first time in 6 months after finding this out and he hung up a few times. Eventually they spoke and she told him at the end of the conversation she was 12 weeks pregnant with my child. OM explained to me that he was really mad at her and disgusted with what lowlife she is, and that W does not deserve me. The next day he wrote to me asking me to "stop this" saying that he needed to move on, wanted me to forgive him and to "clear his conscience" and that there was "no going back now". He told me I am a "far better person than she is" and that "she lies as easily as she breathes". He has sent one hate filled and venomous email to my wife and copied me in on a few that she has sent back; as far as I know that has been it.

During the entire time she has been back, even when we were in separate rooms we did everything together, went to all family functions, went on trips together, taken baths together and had sex several times each week - sometimes as many as 4 times in one day. In fact, we have done virtually everything that a happily married couple does with one exception - she has not said "I love you" to me in 18 months. I just don't understand why, given everything that has happened, we are not divorced and that we have carried on as we have. I have even asked my W why we're married and she's said "it's for the best", "the love will come back eventually" etc.

I honestly have no idea why she came back to me if she was supposedly so "in love" with this guy and hurt him like she has.

I just wanted to share my situation here. I make no apologies for fighting for my marriage so far. I was a terrible husband (verbally abusive and selfish) beforehand but have long since purged these behaviours and have by my own standards at least - become honorable. Intellectually I think I need to let my W go for my own good but as depraved as it sounds I still love her.

I will copy and paste the emails from OM here in subsequent posts. W has changed from being her chatty self over the last few months to being extremely icy, cold, belligerent and withdrawn these last few days. I have told her how disgusted I feel due to her lies, deceit and adultery. She has asked me to have some sympathy for OM (she "hates it that he hates her") to which I gently replied "he pursued another man's wife and experienced emotional pain as a consequence. It is simply the Law of Cause and Effect meting out justice as it does".

Thoughts anyone? I would welcome any posts. I must admit I think it's great that I am a father-to-be; I just wish the circumstances were different.