Magnificent

[mishka422]

OT, you make a good point. I was rude for him not to let me know he would be out all night (or at least let Marc know since he was expecting him back). The callous disregard for anyone's feelings or concerns took me aback. It reminded me why I really can't have anything to do with him.

My home is peaceful without him here. I know now it was a bad thing to have him in the house even if it was helping him. It didn't help me at all and caused the old pain to come to the surface again. I had it buried pretty well....again, live and learn.

Dysfunctional? Oh, you bet! There could not be any other kind of R between us at this point. I have made a choice to keep completely away from him at all times. Marc is old enough to make his own arrangements to see or not to see his dad. Unless it's an emergency, there is no reason to talk to him. I'm going back to dark because apparently I'm not as healed as I thought. Too raw, to lonely, and far too depressed to add his crap on top of that.

So, what to do now? No clue. How to survive the financial mess I'm in? NO IDEA! I've contacted every organization in the area and unless I was about to be evicted or my cupboards were totally bare or my electric was already shut off they won't do anything. As I said, I'm not destitute, I'm the working poor. I make just enough to keep me from getting any help, but not enough to actually meet all of my expenses and keep the wolves at bay. The only reason I have held on at all is because my mom keeps buying groceries, but she can't afford to do that anymore. I can't work any more hours than I do and there just are no jobs out there at all. So......until I'm homeless there is nothing more that can be done. I just live constantly on the edge of a very scary precipice...teetering constantly.