WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

This Dark/Dim is a tough line. I think I was overly (if it's possible) Dark yesterday, vs. Dim.

I apparently am the only one on the board that this expression of "dim" pushes my buttons. No where in Michelle's book of DR does she mention this term. Maybe she does in others, but I have not heard it from "her". It was started by a poster on the board and so many are using that term since then. I believe it causes a lot of confussion. It causes confussion for the LBS and for the children and for the WAS. Either be dark or not. I don't see how you would get anywhere being dark one day and "dim" the next. If by "dim" you mean detaching......isn't that what you are doing while being dark? If it means you are "warming up to her" or showing that you are not quite as detached, then you are losing the ground you had gained. This is MHO, but I believe you have to decide which road you will travel and not use this dark/dim stuff. I understand that it is almost impossible to stay dark, when there is small children. That is why I don't usually use that term.....but you can drop the rope. You may wonder what the difference is. The difference is all in your ATTITUDE! Going dark is when you stay away and out of their life. Dropping the rope is when they can see that they no longer influence your moods, feeling, actions, anything. It is as if they do not matter at all to you anymore.

Not to step on a landmine here, but what I mean by Dark vs. Dim is Dark - no contact at all, outside of things related to the children. And during that contact, no emotion, chit chat or anything like that - just business.

Dim to me is where I do not initiate any calls/contact but when we do interact, I show her a happy, positive, caring and attentive CIPA.

Yes? No?

So let the debate begin....