he was back, i think

[Snow White]

Hey there,

I haven't been on in awhile. And I haven't read all of your threads but Ihave read the last couple pages of this one.

I understand your difficulty with the idea of "giving him up to her". In my situation my husband had left for 9 months and was living with a woman he had been having an affair with at least for 4 months prior to that maybe more. Although he always refused to admit where he was everyone knew. He would not commit to the marriage being over but he refused to come home. I was given advice again and again by many of the same people giving you advice but I was unable to do it.

What happened to me is I had my choices taken away, there was a court order that made it so my husband could not contact me or come within 50m, that lasted 5 weeks. In that period of time 2 things happened, he realized that I was done with the games, and he realized all of a sudden that if there had to be a choice that choice was me. Unfortunately for him, it also gave me the distance from the situation to realize I was finally done. We focus a lot on what the other person feels and whether they want us or not while putting aside why exactly we may or may not still want them.

I have seen a quote that I like that says "eventually one of two things will happen, he will realize you are worth it or you will realize he never was" And sometimes its both.

As puppy said, this may not work but if what you are currently doing isn't working you need to try something else.