I know what you mean about feeling like you let someone down. I am the same way but as time goes by I start to realize that some of my actions were caused in part by the way she was engaging me.
I mean short of someone that was totally verbably or physically abusive is there anything that warrants one person walking away without trying?
My wife says she worked on our marriage for the last five years and nothing worked. Wow, because only once in that time did she say she thought there was a problem. I set up an appointment for a MC, gave her my schedule, the phone number and said, "I don't know your schedule so all you have to do is call and I will be there" That was 18 months before the walk out date. She never made the call. A week later things were normal again and we seemed happy up until 6 months before d-day.
So the other day we talked (not a good talk) and she told me that I abused her for 15 years because I worked shift work. That I betrayed her since I didn't try to get off shift work. That I hurt her career advancement because...yep you guessed it...I worked shift work. Which really all this means that I wasn't around as much to take care of my child.
So what really took place over the last couple of years was a stagnant marriage where we stopped focusing on us and put too much focus on daughter, just went through the motions, started to seperate without noticing that we were growing apart.
this thread seems like it is about me but what I am really trying to show is that yeah... I wish I would have done things differently BUT I wish she would have read a book or two also, I wish she would have approached me also, I wish she would have taken a little time away from her personal intrests and spent time with me, I wish she would have set lets go make love more often too.
I don't know if you have seen too much of my threads but I feel that I got to a point where I was doing anything and everything to make my wife happy and she got into a habit of just taking more. Just like on the Marriage Builder Website where they talk about "the giver and the taker", I think I got to a point where I started to resent that.
So is it all your fault? Mostly likely not! Are there things we could have done better? Definitly yes! Would it have made a difference if the other partner wasn't on board? I don't know. Do we wish things were different? yes! Are we trying our best? yes. What more can you ask for?
Hang in there buddy. I miss the family and the fun side of my wife but I know now there is no way I could go back to someone that hasn't realized she played a 50% role in this. And I also know that I don't want to be in a realtionship where it hinges on me doing all the work.
