It has been so difficult ever since I have been going thru our things. H has just left everything for me to manage. I went thru it all & got rid of slot thAt just wasn't needed. I am feeling very down today. I made an apointment at a salon for highlights on Saturday. I am meeting a friend for an early dinner on Saturday @& then another friend on Sunday for lunch. Then I just have Mon & tues & then on Wednesday my move starts. Today it seems like it's minute by minute...
The more time that goes by the less hope I feel for our M. He is just fine isolating himself. I cannot fight that.
I just have to remember that I can only control me. I am excited to start my new job & move into my new apartment! That will be great. I am going to focus on that!
I spent most of the day taking care of myself today! It was a great day! I got some highlights in my hair & a fabulous cut! I look good! Met up with a friend for early dinner & had a great time. I will survive this....in fact I will thrive during this time. Normally in crisis situations I totally fail to psychologically win the battle against my own self.....I feel good today that I have handled myself with complete dignity & pride for the past month.
I was getting nervous cuz I have rented a 16 ft Penske truck & will be driving it myself! But , I will perservere! I am sure a lot of people move themselves & rent & drive a truck.... I sill be one of many.
Too tired to continue to write. Still having trouble sleeping! Sigh! I need some shut eye tonight.
Your positive attitude is great! I need to pick up some of that, well its more the keep it going part that always gets me!
I agree with this statement you said- 'I feel good today that I have handled myself with complete dignity & pride for the past month.' A friend asked me why I am being so calm about everything, they said is it just bc you want H to come back? And while yes someday that may be nice, I said right now that is not an option. I tried to explain that I am choosing to handle things this way for my own peace of mind and happiness, but I dont think I explained it very well. Anyway, that statement really hit it for me.
Good luck with the moving, I know what a pain it can be to box everything up and move and unpack, but just think about how good it will be when all the work is done. I'm sure you will handle the truck ok, lots of people do rent and move themselves. You can do it!
And a new job too that will keep you busy learning all the ropes. I always find it exciting even if I'm nervous about the first day.
I got my hair cut yesterday too, it gave me such a boost, glad to hear it did the same for you. Keep holding your head up high, you will get through this!
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Sounds like you are all set for the move. You'll do fine, just don't go through the McDonalds drive through
Hope you have some help there. Moving was tough enough when we were all young and only owned a suitcase full of clothes. It down right stinks when we have accumulated a house full.
Glad you are doing well except for the sleeping. I know what you mean there. But if you choose not to see a doctor for help I will tell you that full night rest will eventually come.
Glad you are excite about new job. That should help alot!
Lavender induces relaxation. If you pour a few drops of essential oil onto a cotton ball and place it next to your bed, it will relax you and help you to sleep. Or you can pour a few drops in the corner of your shower and the steam will really relax you. The scent can be strong, so don't go overboard. Or you may prefer a lavender scented body lotion.
Chamomile tea is also good for relaxing. Drink some before going to bed.
Stretches for relaxation or a good massage will also help.
Kara, I will try ur suggestions tonight. I did use to drink chamomile tea & like it. The lavender sounds heavenly! I haven't gone to see a doc yet cuz I am still getting about 5 hours most nights. This morning I went for a 4 mile walk & tonight will go for another hour long walk. That should help get me some deep sleep.
I was thinking this morning that I lived 27 years of my life without a husband! I have definately gotten used to some of the "perks" of getting married & having someone around, but I left my parents home at 17 ....,.. So really I was on my own for 10 years before him & I was happy!
Thank you all so much for ur support. It has totally made my day. Kenn, I will definately NOT go thru any drive thrus! And u are so right about all the stuff we accumulate. This is the first time I actually have "stuff" otherwise, I could basically pack all my belongings in my car & go! I think inthis apartment I am going to throw something out or give something away before I am allowed to bring in something new! Just to try and keep a handle on the "things" in my life.
You're going to be great. If you get bored on the trip just pull in somewhere and pop out the ol laptop... post a message.
You're right .... we get comfortable but we were comfortable before too. Everything s going to be better than fine!!!!!!! It's going to be really good!
Thanks for the support. I know what u mean about other people & their perceptions on how u are dealing with this...,I am NOT crying all the time anymore. I mean it's been a month and the last week and a half I have only cried twice! It's amazing to me. My outward appearance is of a person who is calm & taking control of my life. In a sense I am...,,but inside there is a deep seated sadness now, for the loss of trust, for the loss of the life I had pictured. I feel that almost all of my friends believe that in my sitch my M is a lost cause. Just today 2 people told me that there is no chance my H will come back to me. They may be right, but I think there is a slight chance. I know that he has filed for D & not just moved out or talked about getting a D. This man has gone and filed without me having a clue. I know it sounds bad....but, I want the M to work & I have to believe that there is a chance.
On the other hand I am preparing for a D! I think practically I have to do that. But why does that mean I have to accept that a D is inevitable!? We will see .... I don't want to predict anything. All I know is neither of us or out R will ever be the same.
I know I can make it on my own . But, I can't just throw in the towel! If I have to in a couple of months, ok..,..but for now..,,,,,,,
