Fight, what would you say about confronting the other person that the spouse is cheating with?? I know the other person personally too if that helps...
Jeff
If you know this OP, PARTICULARLY if he was a 'friend' of yours, I think you owe it to your self respect to CERTAINLY make him have a very difficult conversation with you. But only do this if you are feeling calm and centered about it and weigh up carefully if it will help you feel better and get back a sense of personal power and self respect, or if it would only shatter you more. It depends; People get VERY emotional when the OP ends up being someone they know. it makes it all so much worse. An because you know them, your imagination is in hard drive bc you can actually 'picture' how they are together, whereas its all conjecture with a stranger.
If you choose to do this, you need to carefully prepare what you intend to say and not stray from that script. Its about getting YOUR feelings out, not his. His viewpoint is useless to you and hurtful to you. If you are prepared in ANY WAY to entertain a discussion about your wife and YOUR marriage with this man, you'll beat yourself up for ages about it (probably after beating HIM.) So you have to be very focussed on coming across forcefully and strongly and cutting off any of his excuses or blaming of you. because he WOULD try to get the focus off him, you know that right? Most people when pinned to the wall do.
One benefit confronting the OP has is that it does make things awkward and uncomfortable for THEM, the OP and the cheating spouse, and it also opens the OP's eyes up that your not some weakling lying down and just taking this; your fighting a battle and by confronting them, your donning the armor and showing your lance so to speak. That CAN make some OP's pause. Most OP's hope the spouse will just shut up lie down and GO AWAY. Their reasoning is "why cant they just accept it?" its their mantra. YOUR reasoning back is, "why should I accept it?"
On the other hand you need to realise your spouse is going to be furious at you, and how much damage that is going to do to your relationship if your trying to save it. Believe me all her comfort will be for the OP - I discovered that first hand when I did it. DO I regret it? no. Am I still married ?? NO. so by all means think about it but get a lot of views and come to your own decisions - in HINDSIGHT (its a wonderful thing!) I wish I had TOLD my cheating spouse I intended to confront OW. Really made it clear - then done it. I think doing it behind their backs infuriates them. Of course shes going to say no way etc, but at least she knows its coming - and so does OP. Let him stew for a fair bit; Id announce my intentions then do it a week later out of the blue.
If you intend to confront him never do so via email. Phone is good if you can. if its in person make it in a very public place, an if NECESSARY, have someone with you for support - not interefering or even listening but just there hanging back and ready. A brother for example. NEVER get physical. And if you think it might come to that then just dismiss the idea. Nothing would drive her to the OP more than if he was all beaten up on her behalf. Remember your aim would be to show your colors and ruffle up HIS feathers and confidence - not the other way around. By being calm collected and cold in your attitude, you demonstrate self control and derision.
then never relay to your spouse what went down or what was said - let OP do that, he'll change his story a million times and you going clam over it will drive her crazy. Just say "it was between him and I get the story from him". She'll go NUTS wondering what you REALLY told OP. And GRILL OP mercilessly. Let that give OP pause over just WHAT shes hiding and from WHOM. (she has lied to him, trust me on this.) Cheaters are always desperately scared of the idea of the beloved OP finding out some hard truths and then they end up with no one. (In reality, dont tell him anything at all, let her just imagine you might have.)
Remember first and foremost your message to OP - your so weak you have to eat off my table and take my leftovers. Because thats the basic and true message, to ALL OP'S. And I find its the one thats the most galling to them - the truth hurts.
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
