well I would say, seeing as things seem to be working out for you right now and this affair seems to be coming to an end... maybe its best you let sleeping dogs lie. I mean what do you want more, your wife back or the truth? if you know the truth in your heart already and you even know the person, I am not sure how having her admit it to you right now, when she is still attached to this OP, would help you.
In fact I think it would do the opposite and you will make her run if you push this. If she is very ashamed of herself she wont want to admit to it. if you confront her and force the issue that forces her to face her shame - so she'll run away from you, in an attempt to run away from that shame.
You have to remind yourself here that just because she hasnt admitted it to you doesnt mean she isnt hurting over it and wont pay for it, because beleive me, the more time goes on and the more detachment she gets from the OP, the worse she is going to feel. I feel pretty sure that admitting to the affair can inded be very beneficial but not until OP has GONE. once hes GONE, hes no longer a threat. It can take about 18m to 2 years after an affair for the cheater to feel so guilty and so sorrowful for their actions they finally admit it to you. And in the end they admit it for THEIR sakes not yours; by then beleive me, if your M is going strong, you wont want to hear it! but the guilt tends to gather momentum as the cheater falls back in love with their partner. it becomes quite stressful and always in the mind that there is this UNTRUTH between you.
honestly even when confronted with hard solid evidence its not uncommon for the cheater to firmly deny it - very firmly. they are afraid. and when your M is already on rocky ground you probably dont need to take that risk. Think of him like a shadow. you want him to go away.
the only time id say the opposite is when the cheater wont stop.../ when it just continues on and on and is hurting, and there is no way the M can heal as the deceit continues. but right now, you have pretty strong evidence shes really trying. They wean themselves from the OP, because 1) it really is like a drug and 2) the OP is really, really hurt and p'd off. so guilt keeps them in contact. of course that not good and makes you feel bad, but just remember, as the OP isnt getting his way right now, you can be the smart one and let him do your good work for you!
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
