After we'd been hanging out for maybe 1 3/4ths hours, he said he probably should get going because he needed to pack. I told him I was picking up the check because it was his birthday. I hadn't been sure how I'd handle the birthday-ness of the event... I normally make a HUGE deal out of people's birthdays. when we were together I would make him a special dessert, plan a special date, shower him with thoughtful gifts and back massages and sweet lovemaking. But I thought if I gave him a present or even a card it might seem too pre-meditated since he hasn't given me any presents or cards or anything since he left, and I didn't know I'd see him on his birthday until the day before. But buying him breakfast seemed both friendly and spontaneous, so I just went with it.
I walked the check inside so they'd run it faster and when I came out, he said, "Thank you," and I said, "you're welcome, it's my pleasure." I sort of forgot that we were in a hurry to go, and he sort of stood up in the middle of a sentence and we walked down the street toward his house/the subway. He asked me if I was walking toward the subway and I said yes, and then he said he needed to buy toilet paper on the way home at the drug store we were standing in front of. So I gave him a [not as satisfying as the first time] hug, and told him happy birthday again, and said goodbye, take care.
Overall, the feeling was not as nice as our last visit, but not as awkward as any of our previous visits. He seemed sort of low-level-background depressed/stressed/distracted the whole time. It was sort of heavy-feeling, possibly because I talked at length about a variety of heavy topics (the opera, the tricky parts of my business plan) with a kind of heavy vibe. I realized after I left that I had felt massively relieved whenever he smiled or laughed, and that he didn't seem to do either that much during breakfast. (Note to self: he probably feels really relieved when *I* smile or laugh when we're together, so I should try to do it more often). I realized that he probably was massively stressed about MOVING the next day, and that the vibe might have been just as weird no matter how I had handled the meeting or db'd. in retrospect I wondered if maybe I should have offered to help him pack ... ? Kind of weird but definitely a 180?
I also noticed what Ali observed--that even though I usually "initiate" because I am the one visiting his city, he really seems to try hard to see me. At first I was disappointed/mad that I was always getting squeezed into his schedule. But then i realized... every time he's seen me he has really had to go out of his way to make it happen. It's *never* been convenient for him. He doesn't have to see me, it's not easy for him, but he does it anyway. I really don't know why, but I think I should re-frame and see it as him actually making a great effort, instead of feeling like I get "leftovers" or something.
