How do I not let this control my every thought?

[Travis]

Thanks Kat,
you always seem to make me feel like i'm at least on the right path. the thing is, i don't really care if she's intrigued. i love my wife still. the person she is right now is not my wife. i can't stand the person she is right now and, if she walked in my door right now and said she was sorry, the woman i would be looking at would look like my wife, but i honestly don't think i would ever take her back.

i truly believe my marriage is over. i'm a very good person and know i will be happy again someday, but i don't believe i'm a big enough person to ever forget the things she's done to me, my family, and my boys. i deal with her in person about twice a week with ballgames, visitation, etc. i can't remember the last time i looked her right in the eye. i'm ashamed of who she is and she makes me sick.

i'm just trying to figure out how to get through the pain and the hurt of what she threw away without losing my sanity. i'm smart enough to know that if i hurt, it's probably because, deep down, i still love her. but i truly believe it's over and it's the best for me. she's a disgrace to all the good women out there and i deserve better.