WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

The boys and I had a really good day (aside from the angush after her phone call this morning). After bowling, the boys played outside while I made lunch. I was nice to see/hear them laughing/playing, just enjoying themselves, totally without a care in the world. I think my 7 year old is still recovering from his stomach bug as he stopped after a short bit and just sat. I was worried that he was sad or that his broken wrist was bothering, but when I asked him, he just said he was a little tired.

We started to eat lunch when my mother in law showed up. She said she was just passing by between errands and saw all of the toys out so she thought it was ok to drop by to say hi. I said sure and threw on my best postive attitude and smile. I offered her a drink or some lunch. She declined and just chit chatted about random stuff. When she left, she did say that if I needed anything, just to give her a call. I thanked her and wished her well as she left.

We went to the movies and in the middle, my 3 year old started stressing about why mommy wasn't there. I comforted him until the movie ended. We went to a local park for a bit while we were waiting for my friends picnic to start. Again, my 3 year old asked why mommy wasn't with us and I can see my 7 year old getting sad every time it came up. I tried to distract my 3 year old.

When we got to the picnic, we had a great time. The boys played with the other kids chasing each other and playing baseball. It was fun until I noticed that everyone was there with there spouse and I was sitting alone. I was sad and happy at the same time. I pulled myself together quickly, but it was hard.

When does the heart ache end? I know I've been asking the question of how does DR/DB Dark/Dim help bring us back together since she moved out. I really don't understand it. I so want to call her and start pursuing, but everyone here keeps tellimg me it's pressure that she doesn't need right now. So if that's the case, when is the right time? Or have I missed the window?

A couple of weeks ago, she said that I should call her if that's what I want to do. I hadn't. Now I'm worried that she thinks that I'm continuing to neglect her and that I haven't really changed. I know my pursuit while she was living at home didn't do anything to keep her home, so maybe that's what I have to remind myself. I need to do something different. Problem is, the last 6 weeks, I've been trying to be Dark/Dim (where I don't call her). I know that is a short time considering how long she's been hurting (she says 9 years, I think 3, but who am I to argue).

I'm going to see her tomorrow when she picks up the kids. I will go to church tomorrow and then the gym and I have a ton of housework to catch up on (I had the kids a couple of extra days this week so I didn't get a chance to do it on my routine dayes).

This is confusing. I just hope I'm doing the right thing....