Ali, regarding compassion -- sure, part of Mish's concern for her XH's dating life traces to compassion. My point was that it is not all about that. A lot of it is still about her and her old R and pain, which I agree is perfectly understandable. Precisely because she is NOT at a place where she can have a no-personal-life-strings R with XH is why it is not good for either of them to attempt that at this point. It is totally dysfunctional. Imagine having an adult houseguest who is not courteous enough to share plans with you, even when he disappears for a night. Not good. If there weren't a lot of dysfunction in that living arrangement, XH would have simply said, "hey Mish, I'm going to see GF, may not be back until morning."
Mish,
Compassion doesn't require you to treat yourself poorly... Compassion means understanding that XH is doing his best, even if he is floundering, seeing the pain he must be in to be floundering so, and not judging him for not being able to do better right now. While you're at it, try to extend the same compassion to yourself.
Anyway, just keep it in your head that you really don't know best for XH. These cycles with his GF (not sure why you are continuing to use the toxic nickname you chose -- it isn't getting you anywhere...) may be teaching XH something each time. For instance, apparently there are costs to unemployment with respect to his R with her that he doesn't experience with you. My point is that you really don't know what is good for XH. Maybe he is learning how to grow up a little bit. Who knows? You don't. So don't judge.
