Just so you know...

[bluerain]

You just add more layers! I wear long underwear most of the year because I am a huge wimp!

I often think what I wouldnt do to be warm for just a little while... I plan to rent my house this fall or next spring to move to the city to finish my degree, itll only take a year instead of who knows how long if I stay where I am. And that way I can have my mortgage paid for a little while. I found one apartment that said that they didnt have wieght limits for dogs. Most said dogs less than 25 lbs were allowed... My dog weighs 145... Just a little over their limit.

I decided that I was going to let H initiate contact last night, and he did not disappoint. Around 6pm he started texting me and we talked for about 3 hours. It was a little experiment to see if I was pursuing. Maybe I backslide sometimes, but last night I wasnt!

[Flicka]

BR, he is in the process of coming home to you and to Alaska. If you were texting for so long, you are doing what it takes to make him feel safe and welcome. Where will you go for school if you rent your house out?

Can you imagine your runaway following you to Squarebanks? Can you invent a comfortable campground that will be good for you both? Do what you need to do. I am very in favor of fiscal independence. Be creative and keep on texting. Your lurkers are pleased that you are still keeping on. Lots of these bad boys are not able to forgive themselves. They are horrified {while sober} by the destruction they have caused. It is up to us to assess the damages and then decide what to forgive or save.

It seems that you are extremely practical. I am learning from you.

[karen43]

BR I'm so happy for you!!! You sound like you're in a good place. I noticed that too. I have a dog about 75-80 pounds (haven't weighed him lately), and all the rentals say 25 pounds and under are welcome. I told D9 who's threatening to want a puppy if we have one again, it's going to have to grow up to be 24 pounds!!! Karen

[bluerain]

Thanks ladies!

flicka, Ill go to Anchorage, (recently featured on the show Gangland, what a distinction!) Im already in a program through that university, so I wont have to transfer or anything.

I just cant afford to keep waiting here for him to come home, even though I am very comfortable in my house, Ive worked hard for years to get it just how I want it! And I think that if he decides he wants to come back, it wont matter where I am. I think that your right, and the biggest obstacle is how well he will be able to forgive himself and if he thinks that this can be overcome. He says that hes trying, and I think that our communication has helped a lot.

I go back and forth between how deeply I will ultimately be able to forgive too. I often think that I dont want to be his friend, I want to be his wife, I want him to fix what hes done. And Im fairly certain that seeing him move on romantically would break my heart. I like to think that I have forgiven, I do feel like its not going to do me any good to carry around the blame and anger, Im just not positive that I am there just yet.

I think that the hardest part of moving will be not owning my place, I really like taking care of my house, and I love to paint! And I have so much junk!

Karen, I think that after watching my older dog age Im going to stay away from the large breeds, shes only going to be 6 next month and shes really starting to have a hard time. Being 100+ lbs is just too hard on their bodies and their so big that you cant help them, carrying them down stairs or something like that.

[bluerain]

Thanks ladies!

flicka, Ill go to Anchorage, (recently featured on the show Gangland, what a distinction!) Im already in a program through that university, so I wont have to transfer or anything.

I just cant afford to keep waiting here for him to come home, even though I am very comfortable in my house, Ive worked hard for years to get it just how I want it! And I think that if he decides he wants to come back, it wont matter where I am. I think that your right, and the biggest obstacle is how well he will be able to forgive himself and if he thinks that this can be overcome. He says that hes trying, and I think that our communication has helped a lot.

I go back and forth between how deeply I will ultimately be able to forgive too. I often think that I dont want to be his friend, I want to be his wife, I want him to fix what hes done. And Im fairly certain that seeing him move on romantically would break my heart. I like to think that I have forgiven, I do feel like its not going to do me any good to carry around the blame and anger, Im just not positive that I am there just yet.

I think that the hardest part of moving will be not owning my place, I really like taking care of my house, and I love to paint! And I have so much junk!

Karen, I think that after watching my older dog age Im going to stay away from the large breeds, shes only going to be 6 next month and shes really starting to have a hard time. Being 100+ lbs is just too hard on their bodies and their so big that you cant help them, carrying them down stairs or something like that.

[Flicka]

I kissed my Newfie goodnight at only 10 years. Now I have invested my love in the rat breeds. They are adorable and smart. You will have to live in a tent, though. They are not appartment material. Yap masters.

Where did you live before Alaska? How come you stuck? Do you think your almost ex H is attached to you and the glaciers?

[bluerain]

Flicka, I have lived in Alaska for about 21 years, I moved from Oregon with my parents. I spent a lot of time travelling so I have seen other places, and really, theres no place I'd rather be! I think that hes very attatched to Alaska, not so sure to me, but for some reason Ak got under his skin. Probably the relaxed firearms laws, knowing him.

New developments: H texted me earlier this evening, as usual, but this time about an hour after we said goodnight, he sent me this:
I just want you to know that I'm incapable of finding a relationship now because of the emotional connection I've re-established with you. I dont know what that means exactly, but either I need to sever this so I can move on, or we need to see where we stand. Before I hit send, I just want you to know that I realize how importatn this is and if you never want to hear from me again, I'd understand. I'm sorry if this disrupts your life. I really dont know what this means for either of us. Dont respond now, Ill maybe talk to you tomorrow.

I havent responded yet. I dont know how to. I dropped the rope! I dont remember how to pick it back up! I am at a loss as to what to do next. Im trying really hard to not put too much into this... but imagine, if text messaging saved my M!

[karen43]

BR, Wow!!! I kind of saw that coming though, didn't you. You're the AK queen of DB, so shouldn't be too surprised. I have no advice for you since I've never been through this (Puppy or somebody maybe you can post on his thread for advice?). My only thoughts are if you do want to pick up the rope to pick it up slowly and not rush things. But I'm happy for you whatever you decide! Karen

[bluerain]

He just told me that he has recently realized that he wants to try this again. He misses his life and he misses me.

Oh my god. I dont know how to do this. I have been wanting nothing more than this for so long, now that its here, I dont even know what to say to him.

[mdoodles]

i remember that feeling. its scary.

handle it carefully. dont get too sucked in, it could scare him away.

play it cool, follow his lead and dont push anything.