I'm back, and he's moving out

[lola485]

Update...I've had a wonderful day and I feel so strong! H and I texted a couple of times...as I mentioned, he's out of town for shows. He said how sorry he is and he knows it's all his fault and about his personal demons, how he loves me and always will...yada yada yada. And mentioned he will leave just as soon as possible. Even though I've known he's moving, any mention of it or confirmation of it has sent me into a tizzy. Not today. I actually got online to find out how much security deposit the electric company needs. I believe I have turned a corner.

Only time will tell what our relationship will be. I am very mindful of what the grief over losing a child does to people. I've done a lot of reading. While I can not let him use that as an excuse to justify the lying and cheating, I also know that he is lost and searching for some kind of peace and personal happiness. I am a strong person and I will survive this. I don't know if he will ever recover. That's why I can't say with certainty right now if I will be able to be his friend or not. I know he needs my friendship. I may have to say that as long as OW is in his life I can't be, or I might be there as his friend and drive her nuts, LOL!

Today I mowed the lawn (1 1/4 acres, thank god for riding lawn mowers!), planted some flowers and tomato plants in pots, cleaned off the porch, and now I'm sipping a cold glass of chardonnay. I'm feeling very blessed. I have a large, wonderful family, a few very close friends I can trust, a house I love, and a future I'm actually looking forward to. Here's a toast to staying strong and positive!