"You are right in that I didn't want him here if he was involved with his GF. Why? Because that R is a dysfunctional mess and is contributing to his misery. The man needs alone time to figure himself out. He can't do that while she is involved. Now, if he worked out his issues and then went back to her, more power to him. I just hate to see the spinning continue in perpetuity. Sad really, but I know there is nothing I or anyone else can do for him."
(1) Imagine you had a friend who had a bad R with her boyfriend. Would you not want her at your house? Your obsessiveness is obvious to all but you. Your concern with XH's dating habits may partly be compassion, but it is also far more than that. It is not abnormal to feel bad when you think about XH being with his GF -- it is perfectly normal given the circumstances. But it is one very good reason to not play friends, let alone play house, lol.
(2) With respect to XH, you still think you know best, that you are right, etc, etc... People go through difficult stages in their lives, adults included. To get from A to C, you have to pass through B. There is a level of arrogance and know-it-allness that you still have with respect to XH. (Hey, I recognize it cause I had it myself before, so don't get your hackles up.) Try gentleness, detachment, and compassion instead.
(3) This is pretty much the same as (2), but directed toward you. At the time of the bomb, I had no idea that D would be by far the best thing for ME. If we can be so wrong about ourselves, we really aren't in a position what is good/bad for someone else, especially someone who was unhappy with us.
