Well, unless my old friends still check this place out once in a while, none of you will have any idea who I am or what I am talking about, but that's okay. I just popped in to journal a bit - have some things I need to note today.
Today is the eleventh anniversary of the day I married my SBXH. Today does not feel anything like I anticipated...proof positive that expectations lead to folly.
Today I am feeling sad, but not because I am no longer with SBXH. The sadness is more to do with the feeling that something that was once lovely has gone. Like the birthday of a deceased loved one, this day has taken on a different meaning - there is a pinch, the sort that comes when we are reminded that plans once made and on which we counted (however right or wrong we may have been to do so) are to be no more.
I am not sad at the loss of a person, not even sad at the loss of the marriage. The source of the feeling is less concrete than such things. I know that this sadness is also ephemeral, which brings me peace. That quality helps me to accept its presence, acknowledge it and then let it go.
