As always you guys (as in female buddies) are there for me. Thanks!
Unfortunately the thing bothering me the most over the last few days is letting this conversation bother me. The gist of the convo or as far as where I was taking it was that it was her fantasy. Like many women (don't take that wrong) she has a version that everything will stay the same as far as the friendship part of our relationship but that the romance part will be filled elsewhere. I told her that just wasn't going to happen like that. She said she couldn't understand that because we had 16 years together and a lot of good times. That's when I really lost my cool and started to explain why I felt betrayed and that friends don't do that to each other much less people who are suppose to be married.
SO... what I am really dealing with for the last couple of days is not the fact that some reconcilliation is not going to happen. She has so many walls up it's crazy. And it is very possible that she is truly happier without me and inthe relationship she is in. And like you said a little earlier PH you reach a point where the feelings are gone. I do not feel the overwhelming attraction anymore when I around her. As long as the interaction is short.
But that I lost my cool and hurt someone I care for and she can't understand that. She has turned it all around to be my fault again But that is her problem I guess not mine.
Like several people have said.... she needed to hear it. I have been too nice in the whole situation supporting her in her unhappiness as if she was still my wife and soul mate.
Believe me the frustration is with me and my feelings. Like you guys say that is probablly because I am not where I need to be yet.
Just because I am starting to feel better about my life, feeling like I may be better off, and feeling attraction to other women and the urge to date and start enjoying female company...... I obviously am still feeling something in this head or heart of mine....
AND ...I guess it is a backslide moment where I let my anger that she irrationally blames me for all this get the best of me and I verbally attacked someone. That is one of the things I thought I had control of.....
I'll get there, just not yet.... Thanks for being there for me though!
But that is her problem I guess not mine.