So since you guys think I shouldn't give him a deadline to keep his word, any suggestions how I should communicate to H that I want no NEED him to keep his word?
Truth be told I don't want him to do this because I have pushed it, we have enough of that history, I want him to do this on his own. I really do. Should I tell him that? I want him to keep his word and that is proof that he will keep his word when he comes back to me.
well, i just dont know what to say or what to tell u to do.
werent u asking the other day about how to file for support?
can u use something like that? or can u make the deadline in your head and if u dont like what u see, file for the support?
can u tell him something about what u are expecting and let him know u have looked into the spousal support because things cannot continue like this?
maybe just plant those seeds into his head, let him think u are looking to move on in a way?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I've been kinda doing all that. But I know myself that I need to be more consistent in what I do. Ahhh, sometimes I think it's easier to just forget about him and all this. I feel like my resources are limited. Sometimes trapped in limbo land and it sucks.
I really do want H to come back to our M on his own though so I guess I gotta remember that. It is better for our future if that's how it turns out. He has to make the decision. So I guess I need to hold tight and continue galing and looking into the legal support. I really won't get support since I make more, I just want H to be legally obligated to pay his outstanding debt. Since he moved he uses a payable when able plan and I don't like that for the debt that we share.
Anyway, I off to go shopping with my friend. Hope you all have a wonderful Saturday.
How about if I ask H what for a reasonable time to expect him to move? See what deadline he give. Ahhh, I don't like giving him that control, wouldn't that bve bad too?
I agree. You'd be giving him all the power in the R. I think you either continue as you're are or if ready, you give him a deadline, a short one. I think at this point you should just maybe work on consistency. What are you thinking?
Then if you feel you need to give him a requirement, I would make "absolutely no contact with OW" your requirement, rather than a "move back by the end of June."
Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think dating would make you any happier, maybe for very short-term, but eventually, no. I always think what kind of person would date married people; the kind of person that would date you is an OP. I don't think that's a good start for a healthy R. I think you need to end this R first before dating, b/c let's face it you are not completely over your H, are you??? You need to detach, focus on GALing, and not let him eat cake anymore... Karen
Karen, are you reading my mind. I have been thinking that I would like to go on a date. I think it would be kinda fun and boy what a way to forget about H. But no one to date and I certainly am not over H. It would really kinda suck to bring someone else into my mess. Really unfair. I know that is the reason that I haven't dated anyone throughout this whole sitch with H. I've flirted with dating but not dated anyone.
Update... so last night one of H's friend has a kids party at our rental property. I stopped by to pick up $$ and to see what's going on there. H's friend told me that the H was on his way over. He showed up a few minutes later with his son. For the short time that I was there, I actually played a bit with H son. In fact I forced myself. Usually I act very distant the few times I've been around H and his son. This time I forced myself to work on that. I was there playing balloon sword fighting with him and the birthday girl. It was tons of fun for me actually since I love to be a big kid. But I think it was a good breakthrough for H and I. H even was asking his son if you like her. And told him to call me auntie vicky. Shocking! But I gotta say, cute kid. Looks like his mother, which is something I would have to work on getting over but cute as ever. I gotta say, H is in love with his son. They are really close. I even asked H how is it that he plans on leaving and "coming back home" - his words. The boy will be so hurt, I can see it. It's a shame the decisions adults make when kids are involved. H said that he knows that he will be hurt but he will have to tough it out and that he wouldn't be surprised if he wants to come live with him. But I know he's just saying that because custody of a child is a lot more complicated than he thinks.
Anyway, I'm going to try to get back to distancing myself and just livng my life. You guys were so right about not giving H a deadline. I am taking yours wise advice and not doing that. I really do want H to make this decision on his own without my forcing it. I think its something in our R that he needs to do. I will try to hold on a little while longer by galing and living my life and not making it all about H. Will see but I will try to have the talk with him though about keeping his word. It's something that's important to me. And will let him know that I have no intenttions of waiting forever or even mush longer. H has said that we've been apart way too long so I'm try to work with that. Thanks for your wisdom mdoodles, Pup, and Karen.
Pup, I saw this prayer you put on mdoodles thread and had to hijack it for my sitch. Thank you!!!! It is so beautiful.
"Lord, here, YOU take him -- I have done my best, and I am weak and need to renew my strength. Please take him and watch over him and keep him safe. Continue to deal with his heart, that it may soften toward you and -- if it be Your will -- toward me, and that he will find happiness in his life. I cannot do this anymore -- please care for him."
Well, I figure who better to know first than you guys that I just sent my lawyer a long list of terms that I would like to include in a separation agreement. I've put this off long enough and really need to get my ducks in order. So moving forward I guess.
What was nice is that she called me to check in on me. I'm trying to take care of a bunch of things that I've been putting off so I take this as a sign that this is something else that I need to do so she's drafting the agreement. Hopefully the cost is reasonable and affordable.
did i miss something? u are looking to be separated?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
